As she thought of her father, her hands tightened convulsively. How
could he have done such a thing! Common people, servants and beggars
may now look into her life, discuss it, and pass judgment upon it. They
may be respectful or not as they please. They will act as though she
should be thankful to them for greeting her.
With a rapidity which knows no distance, Thoma's thoughts hastened from
farm-house to farm-house, where the daughters were condemning or
pitying her--her--Thoma; or they were sleeping--_they_ could sleep
peacefully, but Thoma could not sleep.
As when the poison from an adder's fang permeates the body of a strong,
vigorous man; rushes through his veins, maddens him, urging him on, and
at the same time making him powerless; seeks outlet where there is
none; stifles his cry for help; destroys his life--so it was with
Thoma, when on this night she clenched her hands in silent desperation.
A concentration of thought, a subtlety of which she never dreamed,
possessed her. She struggled against it as against a bitter enemy, but
in vain.
Imprisonment, the penitentiary, capital punishment--these are things
for the poor; but not for the rich and influential. Thus Thoma had
always thought; or rather, scarcely giving it a thought, she had
considered it a matter of course. But now--if her father confesses what
he has done, eternal disgrace will be the consequence. Should he not
confess, eternal falsehood, hypocrisy, constant trembling, a cowardly
shunning of every glance, and a forced smile when criminals are
mentioned.
Thoma groaned, stricken to the heart, and then her thoughts became
pitiful; "Oh, my father! He is sitting sleepless and alone in prison.
This one day must seem to him like many years; like a whole life-time.
Who can help him? Who? Who can bring the dead to life, or wipe away sin
from the soul?"
Thoma looked up at the stars. "They stand still, and twinkle and
glitter over millions of sleepers; over millions of watchers in
sickness, sorrow, and distress, and no one of them is more unhappy than
I--"
Tears filled her eyes. She forced them back impatiently. She must not
allow herself to become faint-hearted, nor to lament. She would have no
pity from any one, for any one!----Proud, proud! "But where is my
pride? 'Tis gone. Over yonder lies a corpse, a murdered man!"
It seemed to Thoma that she could plainly see Vetturi, standing before
her with his bleeding head. She screamed aloud, but the terrible
picture did not vanish. She threw herself on the pillows, then raised
her head to listen. The cock crew. Her eyes closed tremulously, and, as
she lay there but half awake, fragments of the verse from the Bible ran
through her mind: "The cock crows--thou wilt deny"----In prison one
does not hear the cock crow.
Thoma buried her face deeper in the pillows. It was raining gently, and
she fell asleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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