Death -- Fiction; Friendship -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women novelists -- Fiction
“I didn’t know what had got into her. Of course I blame myself. I ought
to have followed it out. I might have prevented things. But I was
annoyed and she saw it, and she——”
Miss Howe twinkled.
“She wouldn’t let you be annoyed with her long. What did she do with
you, Anita?”
“She? I don’t know what you mean. We changed the subject. And as a
matter of fact I was much occupied at the time with the _Anthology_.”
She paused. “She had excellent taste,” said Anita regretfully.
“Naturally I reserved to myself the final decision, but——”
“Just so,” said Mr. Flood.
“Be quiet, Jasper.” The blonde lady’s draperies dusted his shoulder
intimately.
“She’d brought me a delicious thing of Lady Nairn’s, I remember, that
I’d overlooked. And from talking of the _Anthology_ we came, somehow, to
talking about me. Yes—” Anita gave an embarrassed half laugh—“She began
to talk to me, turning the tables as it were—about myself. She’s never,
in all the years I’d known her, taken such a tone. Astonishing! As if—as
if I were the younger.” She stared at them, as one combating an
unuttered criticism. “I—liked it,” said Anita defiantly. “There was
nothing impertinent. It was heartening. She made me feel that one person
in the world, at least, knew me—knew my work. I realized, suddenly, that
while I had been studying her, she must have been studying me, that she
understood my capacities, my limitations, my possibilities, almost as
well as I did myself. The relief of it—indescribable! She was
extraordinarily plain-spoken. As a rule, you know, I thought her
manner——”
“Insincere?” said the Baxter girl. “Yes, I’ve heard people say that.”
“It had that effect. It didn’t seem possible that she could like
everyone as much as she made them think she did. But with me, at least,
she was always frankness itself. She believes, you know,—she believed,
that is, that all my work so far, even the _Anthology_ and the _Famous
Women_ series, not to mention the lighter work, is still preliminary:
that my——” she hesitated—“my master-piece, she called it, was still to
come. She said that, though she appreciated all my work, I hadn’t ‘found
myself.’ Yes! from that child to me it was amusing. But right, you know.
She said that my line, whether I dealt with a period or a person, would
always be critical, but that I’d never had a big success because so far
I’d been merely critical: that I’d never become identified with my
subject: that I’d always remained aloof—inhuman. Yes, she said that. A
curious theory—but it interested me. But she said that it was only the
real theme I needed, the engrossing subject. She said that my chance
would come: that ‘she felt it in her bones.’ I can hear her voice
now—‘Don’t you worry, Nita! It’ll come to you one day. A big thing.
Biography, I shouldn’t wonder. And I shall sit and say—I told you so—I
told you so!’ Yes, she talked like that. Oh, it’s nothing when I repeat
it, but if you knew how it seemed to pour new life into me. It was the
belief in her voice!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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