One sole sweet idea was left him, and it was that she had loved him,
that her glance had told him so; and that she did not know his name
but that she knew his soul, and that however mysterious the spot might
be where she now was, she loved him still. Might she not be dreaming
of him as he was dreaming of her? At times in those inexplicable hours
which every loving heart knows, as he had only reason to be sad, and
yet felt within him a certain quivering of joy, he said to himself,
"Her thoughts are visiting me," and then added, "Perhaps my thoughts
also go to her." This illusion, at which he shook his head a moment
after, sometimes, however, contrived to cast rays which resembled hope
into his soul at intervals. Now and then, especially at that evening
hour which most saddens dreamers, he poured out upon virgin paper
the pure, impersonal, and ideal reveries with which love filled his
brain. He called this "writing to her." We must not suppose, however,
that his reason was in disorder, quite the contrary. He had lost the
faculty of working and going firmly toward a determined object, but he
retained clear-sightedness and rectitude more fully than ever. Marius
saw by a calm and real, though singular, light, all that was taking
place before him, even the most indifferent men and facts, and spoke
correctly of everything with a sort of honest weariness and candid
disinterestedness. His judgment, almost detached from hope, soared far
above him. In this state of mind nothing escaped him, nothing deceived
him, and he discovered at each moment the bases of life,--humanity and
destiny. Happy, even in agony, is the man to whom God has granted a
soul worthy of love and misfortune! He who has not seen the things of
this world and the heart of man in this double light has seen nothing
of the truth and knows nothing.
The soul that loves and suffers is in a sublime state.
Days succeeded each other, and nothing new occurred; it really seemed
to him that the gloomy space which he still had to traverse was
becoming daily reduced. He fancied that he could already see distinctly
the brink of the bottomless abyss.
"What!" he repeated to himself, "shall I not see her again before that
takes place?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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