England -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Repression (Psychology) -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
“Oh, my dear----” If she could stop it.... An inspiration came. “I knew
a girl once who might have done what you’re doing, only she wouldn’t.
She gave the man up rather than hurt her friend. She _couldn’t do
anything else_.”
“How much was he in love with her?”
“I don’t know _how much_. He was never in love with any other woman.”
“Then she was a fool. A silly fool. Didn’t she think of _him?_”
“Didn’t she think!”
“No. She didn’t. She thought of herself. Of her own moral beauty. She
was a selfish fool.”
“She asked the best and wisest man she knew, and he told her she
couldn’t do anything else.”
“The best and wisest man--oh, Lord!”
“That was my own father, Mona, Hilton Frean.”
“Then it was you. You and Uncle Robin and Aunt Prissie.”
Harriett’s face smiled its straight, thin-lipped smile, the worn,
grooved chin arrogantly lifted.
“How could you?”
“I could because I was brought up not to think of myself before other
people.”
“Then it wasn’t even your own idea. You sacrificed him to somebody
else’s. You made three people miserable just for that. Four, if you
count Aunt Beatie.”
“There was Prissie. I did it for her.”
“What did you do for her? You insulted Aunt Prissie.”
“Insulted her? My dear Mona!”
“It was an insult, handing her over to a man who couldn’t love her
even with his body. Aunt Prissie was the miserablest of the lot. Do you
suppose he didn’t take it out of her?”
“He never let her know.”
“Oh, didn’t he! She knew all right. That’s how she got her illness. And
it’s how he got his. And he’ll kill Aunt Beatie. He’s taking it out
of _her_ now. Look at the awful suffering. And you can go on
sentimentalizing about it.”
The young girl rose, flinging her scarf over her shoulders with a
violent gesture.
“There’s no common sense in it.”
“No _common_ sense, perhaps.”
“It’s a jolly sight better than sentiment when it comes to marrying.”
They kissed. Mona turned at the doorway.
“I say--did he go on caring for you?”
“Sometimes I think he did. Sometimes I think he hated me.”
“Of course he hated you, after what you’d let him in for.” She paused.
“You don’t _mind_ my telling you the truth, do you?”
... Harriett sat a long time, her hands folded on her lap, her eyes
staring into the room, trying to see the truth. She saw the girl,
Robin’s niece, in her young indignation, her tender brilliance suddenly
hard, suddenly cruel, flashing out the truth. Was it true that she had
sacrificed Robin and Priscilla and Beatrice to her parents’ idea of
moral beauty? Was it true that this idea had been all wrong? That she
might have married Robin and been happy and been right?
“I don’t care. If it was to be done again to-morrow I’d do it.”
But the beauty of that unique act no longer appeared to her as it once
was, uplifting, consoling, incorruptible.
The years passed. They went with an incredible rapidity, and Harriett
was now fifty.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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