She typified the present. The moment it became the past, it was
blurred—sometimes obliterated. Her interest in tomorrow lay chiefly in
the fact that directly it was to become today. She examined it, she took
it to pieces, in order that she might more substantially rebuild it.
Dreams of a radiant, far-off possibility, interested her but meagerly.
She had grown up without them, or had grown out of the habit of them and
did not miss them any more. I think of her today as a slender figure,
walking through a field of ripening grain, that parts before her, and
closes behind her as she passes along. Her interest in life lies in the
beautiful, exquisite things not far away, and in the welfare of those
about her. She moves steadily forward, her feet firmly set. She is
without envy, or malice, and totally without curiosity. She is, as I
have suggested, apt to forget, but it is never safe to count on her
doing so: More than once I have known her to treasure up some casual,
inconsidered remark, and recall it one day to my undoing.
She was always in quiet good humor, but almost never gay. The spirit of
banter, so riot in Dorothy, was in Lillian altogether lacking. I
remember Dorothy saying to me: “Couldn’t you find a cigarette holder
more complicated than that one?” A remark as foreign to Lillian as toe
dancing.
Yet her words not infrequently took a quaint turn. Speaking of the many
demands for money that came to her, she once said:
“Three hundred dollars is the amount they usually want to borrow.
Sometimes they pay it back—a little of it—when it is three hundred. When
it is five hundred, it is a gift—they don’t pay any of it.”
And I recall her saying: “Jazz is America’s challenge to the world.” And
again: “The Guild Theatre looks like a library gone wrong.” She
certainly made no effort to say such things, and when she did,
apparently did not notice them at all, and would not have remembered
them a moment afterward. But they were often quite unexpectedly on her
tongue.
A mystic herself, she believed in mystical things—in telepathy, in
foreknowledge, in visions, in Christian healing. I have already spoken
of her visit to the Miracle Girl of Konnersreuth, and there was a time,
chiefly on her mother’s account, when she devoted herself to Christian
Science,—mind healing, and the like. I was sure she believed in the
efficacy of prayer, though perhaps could not give any clear reason for
it, beyond the general theory that spiritual and physical harmony might
thus be restored. Certainly she was not orthodox, and I was by no means
sure that she was not a pagan—a Sun-, a tree-, a flower-worshipper—that
would be natural, and proper, for a dryad.
“What is your idea of God?” I asked, one day.
“Force, creative power.” A moment later, she added: “The cloud, the
sunlight, that out there, the beggar on the street, myself—all a part of
the great Whole—the Truth Absolute.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account