Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own PeopleKipling, Rudyard
History
Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own People
Kipling, Rudyard
India -- History -- British occupation, 1765-1947 -- Fiction; India -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
‘Hear now,’ said he. ‘Ye know what I am now. _I_ know what I mint to be
at the beginnin’ av my service. I’ve tould you time an’ again, an’ what
I have not Dinah Shadd has. An’ what am I? Oh, Mary Mother av Hiven, an
ould dhrunken, untrustable baste av a privit that has seen the reg’ment
change out from colonel to drummer-boy, not wanst or twice, but scores
av times! Ay, scores! An’ me not so near gettin’ promotion as in the
first! An’ me livin’ on an’ kapin’ clear av clink, not by my own good
conduck, but the kindness av some orf’cer-bhoy young enough to be son
to me! Do I not know ut? Can I not tell whin I’m passed over at p’rade,
tho’ I’m rockin’ full av liquor an’ ready to fall all in wan piece,
such as even a suckin’ child might see, bekaze, “Oh, ‘tis only ould
Mulvaney!” An’ whin I’m let off in ord’ly-room through some thrick of
the tongue an’ a ready answer an’ the ould man’s mercy, is ut smilin’
I feel whin I fall away an’ go back to Dinah Shadd, thryin’ to carry ut
all off as a joke? Not I! ‘Tis hell to me, dumb hell through ut all;
an’ next time whin the fit comes I will be as bad again. Good cause the
reg’ment has to know me for the best soldier in ut. Better cause have I
to know mesilf for the worst man. I’m only fit to tache the new drafts
what I’ll niver learn mesilf; an’ I am sure, as tho’ I heard ut, that
the minut wan av these pink-eyed recruities gets away from my “Mind
ye now,” an’ “Listen to this, Jim, bhoy,”--sure I am that the
sergint houlds me up to him for a warnin’. So I tache, as they say at
musketry-instruction, by direct and ricochet fire. Lord be good to me,
for I have stud some throuble!’
‘Lie down and go to sleep,’ said I, not being able to comfort or advise.
‘You’re the best man in the regiment, and, next to Ortheris, the biggest
fool. Lie down and wait till we’re attacked. What force will they turn
out? Guns, think you?’
‘Try that wid your lorrds an’ ladies, twistin’ an’ turnin’ the talk,
tho’ you mint ut well. Ye cud say nothin’ to help me, an’ yet ye niver
knew what cause I had to be what I am.’
‘Begin at the beginning and go on to the end,’ I said royally. ‘But rake
up the fire a bit first.’
I passed Ortheris’s bayonet for a poker.
‘That shows how little we know what we do,’ said Mulvaney, putting it
aside. ‘Fire takes all the heart out av the steel, an’ the next time,
may be, that our little man is fighting for his life his bradawl
‘ll break, an’ so you’ll ha’ killed him, manin’ no more than to kape
yourself warm. ‘Tis a recruity’s thrick that. Pass the clanin’-rod,
sorr.’
I snuggled down abased; and after an interval the voice of Mulvaney
began.
‘Did I iver tell you how Dinah Shadd came to be wife av mine?’
I dissembled a burning anxiety that I had felt for some months--ever
since Dinah Shadd, the strong, the patient, and the infinitely tender,
had of her own good love and free will washed a shirt for me, moving in
a barren land where washing was not.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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