England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“‘O’ course she will,’ ses the skipper, and he called me up and told me
to clear a spare cabin out for her—we carried a passenger or two
sometimes—and to fetch her chest up.
I s’pose you’ve got some clothes in it?’ he ses, anxious-like.
“‘Only these sort o’ things,’ ses Miss Mallow, bashfully.
“‘And send Dowsett to me,’ ses the skipper, turning to me agin.
“We ’ad to shove pore Bill up on deck a’most, and the way the skipper
went on at ’im, you’d thought ’e was the greatest rascal unhung. He
begged the young lady’s pardon over and over agin, and when ’e come
back to us ’e was that upset that ’e didn’t know what ’e was saying,
and begged an ordinary seaman’s pardon for treading on ’is toe.
“Then the skipper took Miss Mallow below to her new quarters, and to
’is great surprise caught the third officer, who was fond of female
society, doing a step-dance in the saloon all on ’is own.
“That evening the skipper and the mate formed themselves into a
committee to decide what was to be done. Everything the mate suggested
the skipper wouldn’t have, and when the skipper thought of anythink,
the mate said it was impossible. After the committee ’ad been sitting
for three hours it began to abuse each other; leastaways, the skipper
abused the mate, and the mate kep’ on saying if it wasn’t for
discipline he knew somebody as would tell the skipper a thing or two it
would do ’im good to hear.
“‘She must have a dress, I tell you, or a frock at any rate,’ ses the
skipper, very mad.
“‘What’s the difference between a dress and a frock?’ ses the mate.
“‘There is a difference,’ ses the skipper.
“‘Well, what is it?’ ses the mate.
“‘It wouldn’t be any good if I was to explain to you,’ ses the skipper;
‘some people’s heads are too thick.’
“‘I know they are,’ ses the mate.
“The committee broke up after that, but it got amiable agin over
breakfast next morning, and made quite a fuss over Miss Mallow. It was
wonderful what a difference a night aft had made in that gal. She’d
washed herself beautiful, and had just frizzed ’er ’air, which was
rather long, over ’er forehead, and the committee kept pursing its lips
up and looking at each other as Mr. Fisher talked to ’er and kep’ on
piling ’er plate up.
“She went up on deck after breakfast and stood leaning against the side
talking to Mr. Fisher. Pretty laugh she’d got, too, though I never
noticed it when she was in the fo’c’s’le. Perhaps she hadn’t got much
to laugh about then; and while she was up there enjoying ’erself
watching us chaps work, the committee was down below laying its ’eads
together agin.
“When I went down to the cabin agin it was like a dressmaker’s shop.
There was silk handkerchiefs and all sorts o’ things on the table, an’
the skipper was hovering about with a big pair of scissors in his
hands, wondering how to begin.
“‘I shan’t attempt anything very grand,’ he ses, at last; ‘just
something to slip over them boy’s clothes she’s wearing.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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