England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“‘I shall take care that Mrs. Pawlett ’ears o’ this,’ ses Henery, at
last.
“‘And be asked wot you dug your garden up for,’ ses Joe, ‘and ’ave to
explain that you broke your promise to George. Why, she’d talk at us
for years and years.’
“‘And parson ’ud preach a sermon about it,’ ses Sam; ‘where’s your
sense, Henery?’
“‘We should be the larfing-stock for miles round,’ ses Bill Chambers.
‘If anybody wants to know, I dug my garden up to enrich the soil for
next year, and also to give some other chap a chance of the prize.’
“Peter Smith ’as always been a unfortunit man; he’s got the name for
it. He was just ’aving another drink as Bill said that, and this time
we all thought ’e’d gorn. He did hisself.
“Mrs. Pawlett and the parson came ’ome next day, an’ ’er voice got that
squeaky with surprise it was painful to listen to her. All the chaps
stuck to the tale that they’d dug their garden up to give the others a
chance, and Henery Walker, ’e went further and said it was owing to a
sermon on unselfishness wot the curate ’ad preached three weeks afore.
He ’ad a nice little red-covered ’ymn-book the next day with ‘From a
friend’ wrote in it.
“All things considered, Mrs. Pawlett was for doing away with the Flower
Show that year and giving two prizes next year instead, but one or two
other chaps, encouraged by Bob’s example, ’ad given in their names too,
and they said it wouldn’t be fair to their wives. All the gardens but
one was worse than Bob’s, they not having started till later than wot
’e did, and not being able to get their geraniums from ’is florist. The
only better garden was Ralph Thomson’s, who lived next door to ’im, but
two nights afore the Flower Show ’is pig got walking in its sleep.
Ralph said it was a mystery to ’im ’ow the pig could ha’ got out; it
must ha’ put its foot through a hole too small for it, and turned the
button of its door, and then climbed over a four-foot fence. He told
Bob ’e wished the pig could speak, but Bob said that that was sinful
and unchristian of ’im, and that most likely if it could, it would only
call ’im a lot o’ bad names, and ask ’im why he didn’t feed it
properly.
“There was quite a crowd on Flower Show day following the judges. First
of all, to Bill Chambers’s astonishment and surprise, they went to ’is
place and stood on the ’eaps in ’is garden judging ’em, while Bill
peeped at ’em through the kitchen winder ’arf-crazy. They went to every
garden in the place, until one of the young ladies got tired of it, and
asked Mrs. Pawlett whether they was there to judge cottage gardens or
earthquakes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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