England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“You never know how to take people like that. The words ’ad ’ardly left
Tom’s lips afore the other ups with a basin of ’ot tea and heaves it
all over ’im.
“‘Take that, you insulting rascal,’ he ses, as Tom jumped up
spluttering and wiping ’is face with his coat. ‘How dare you insult
me?’
“‘Get up,’ ses Tom, dancing with rage. ‘Get up; prize-fighter or no
prize-fighter, I’ll mark you.’
“‘Sit down,’ ses Bill, turning round.
“I’m going to ’ave a go at ’im, Bill,’ ses Tom; ‘if you’re afraid of
’im, I ain’t.’
“‘Sit down,’ ses Bill, starting up. ‘’Ow dare you insult me like that?’
“‘Like wot?’ ses Tom, staring.
“‘If I can’t lick ’im you can’t,’ ses Bill; ‘that’s ’ow it is, mate.’
“‘But I can try,’ ses Tom.
“‘All right,’ ses Bill. ‘Me fust, then if you lick me, you can ’ave a
go at ’im. If you can’t lick me, ’ow can you lick ’im?’
“‘Sit down, both of you,’ ses young Joe, drinking Bill’s tea to make up
for ’is own. ‘And mind you, I’m cock o’ this fo’c’s’le, and don’t you
forget it. Sit down, both of you, afore I start on you.’
“They both sat down, but Tom wasn’t quick enough to please Bill, and he
got a wipe o’ the side o’ the ’ead that made it ring for an hour
afterwards.
“That was the beginning of it, and instead of ’aving one master we
found we’d got two, owing to the eggstrordinry way Bill had o’ looking
at things. He gave Joe best without even ’aving a try at him, and if
anybody else wanted to ’ave a try, it was a insult to Bill. We couldn’t
make ’ed or tail of it, and all we could get out of Bill was that ’e
had one time ’ad a turn-up with Joe Simms ashore, which he’d remember
all ’is life. It must ha’ been something of a turn, too, the way Bill
used to try and curry favour with ’im.
“In about three days our life wasn’t worth living, and the fo’c’s’le
was more like a Sunday-school class than anything else. In the fust
place Joe put down swearing. He wouldn’t ’ave no bad langwidge, he
said, and he didn’t neither. If a man used a bad word Joe would pull
’im up the fust time, and the second he’d order Bill to ’it ’im, being
afraid of ’urting ’im too much ’imself. ’Arf the men ’ad to leave off
talking altogether when Joe was by, but the way they used to swear when
he wasn’t was something shocking. Harry Moore got clergyman’s sore
throat one arternoon through it.
“Then Joe objected to us playing cards for money, and we ’ad to arrange
on the quiet that brace buttons was ha’-pennies and coat buttons
pennies, and that lasted until one evening Tom Baker got up and danced
and nearly went off ’is ’ead with joy through havin’ won a few dozen.
That was enough for Joe, and Bill by his orders took the cards and
pitched ’em over the side.
“Sweet-’earting and that sort o’ thing Joe couldn’t abear, and Ned
Davis put his foot into it finely one arternoon through not knowing. He
was lying in ’is bunk smoking and thinking, and by and by he looked
across at Bill, who was ’arf asleep, and ’e ses:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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