England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“He got in three or four at Bill afore you could wink a’most, and when
Bill ’it back ’e wasn’t there. That seemed to annoy Bill more than
anything, and he suddenly flung out ’is arms, and grabbing ’old of ’im
flung ’im right across the fo’c’s’le to where, fortunately for
’im—Dodgy, I mean—Tom Baker was sitting.
“Charlie called ‘Time’ again, and we let ’em ’ave five minutes while we
’elped Tom to bed, and then wot ’e called the ‘disgusting exhibishun’
was resoomed. Bill ’ad dipped ’is face in a bucket and ’ad rubbed ’is
great arms all over and was as fresh as a daisy. Dodgy looked a bit
tottery, but ’e was game all through and very careful, and, try as Bill
might, he didn’t seem to be able to get ’old of ’im agin.
“In five minutes more, though, it was all over, Dodgy not being able to
see plain—except to get out o’ Bill’s way—and hitting wild. He seemed
to think the whole fo’c’s’le was full o’ Bills sitting on a locker and
waiting to be punched, and the end of it was a knock-out blow from the
real Bill which left ’im on the floor without a soul offering to pick
’im up.
“Bill ’elped ’im up at last and shook hands with ’im, and they rinsed
their faces in the same bucket, and began to praise each other up. They
sat there purring like a couple o’ cats, until at last we ’eard a
smothered voice coming from Joe Simms’s bunk.
“‘Is it all over?’ he asks.
“‘Yes,’ ses somebody.
“‘How is Bill?’ ses Joe’s voice again.
“‘Look for yourself,’ ses Tom.
“Joe sat up in ’is bunk then and looked out, and he no sooner saw
Bill’s face than he gave a loud cry and fell back agin, and, as true as
I’m sitting here, fainted clean away. We was struck all of a ’eap, and
then Bill picked up the bucket and threw some water over ’im, and by
and by he comes round agin and in a dazed sort o’ way puts his arm
round Bill’s neck and begins to cry.
“‘_Mighty Moses_!’ ses Dodgy Pete, jumping up, ‘it’s a woman!’
“‘_It’s my wife!_’ ses Bill.
“We understood it all then, leastways the married ones among us did.
She’d shipped aboard partly to be with Bill and partly to keep an eye
on ’im, and Tom Baker’s mistake about a prizefighter had just suited
her book better than anything. How Bill was to get ’er home ’e couldn’t
think, but it ’appened the second officer had been peeping down the
fo’c’s’le, waiting for ever so long for a suitable opportunity to stop
the fight, and the old man was so tickled about the way we’d all been
done ’e gave ’er a passage back as stewardess to look arter the ship’s
cat.”
THE RESURRECTION OF MR. WIGGETT
Mr. Sol Ketchmaid, landlord of the Ship, sat in his snug bar, rising
occasionally from his seat by the taps to minister to the wants of the
customers who shared this pleasant retreat with him.
Forty years at sea before the mast had made Mr. Ketchmaid an authority
on affairs maritime; five years in command of the Ship Inn, with the
nearest other licensed house five miles off, had made him an autocrat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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