Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story tellerMcClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
History
Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story teller
McClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865 -- Anecdotes
It is said, according to Judge Herndon, that Lincoln considered
McClellan as “great on dress parade,” but not so much in a fight.
A LOW-DOWN TRICK.
When Lincoln was a candidate of the Know Nothings for the State
Legislature, the party was over-confident, and the Democrats pursued a
still-hunt. Lincoln was defeated. He compared the situation to one of
the camp-followers of General Taylor’s army, who had secured a barrel of
cider, erected a tent, and commenced selling it to the thirsty soldiers
at twenty-five cents a drink, but he had sold but little before another
sharp one set up a tent at his back, and tapped the barrel so as to
flow on his side, and peddled out No. 1 cider at five cents a drink, of
course, getting the latter’s entire trade on the borrowed capital.
“The Democrats,” said Mr. Lincoln, “had played Knownothing on a cheaper
scale than had the real devotees of Sam, and had raked down his pile
with his own cider!”
END FOR END.
Judge H. W. Beckwith, of Danville, Ill., in his “Personal Recollections
of Lincoln,” tells a story which is a good example of Lincoln’s way of
condensing the law and the facts of an issue in a story: “A man, by vile
words, first provoked and then made a bodily attack upon another. The
latter, in defending himself, gave the other much the worst of the
encounter. The aggressor, to get even, had the one who thrashed him
tried in our Circuit Court on a charge of an assault and battery. Mr.
Lincoln defended, and told the jury that his client was in the fix of
a man who, in going along the highway with a pitchfork on his shoulder,
was attacked by a fierce dog that ran out at him from a farmer’s
dooryard. In parrying off the brute with the fork, its prongs stuck into
the brute and killed him.
“‘What made you kill my dog?’ said the farmer.
“‘What made him try to bite me?’
“‘But why did you not go at him with the other end of the pitchfork?’
“‘Why did he not come after me with his other end?’
“At this Mr. Lincoln whirled about in his long arms an imaginary dog,
and pushed its tail end toward the jury. This was the defensive plea of
‘son assault demesne’--loosely, that ‘the other fellow brought on the
fight,’--quickly told, and in a way the dullest mind would grasp and
retain.”
LET SIX SKUNKS GO.
The President had decided to select a new War Minister, and the Leading
Republican Senators thought the occasion was opportune to change the
whole seven Cabinet ministers. They, therefore, earnestly advised him to
make a clean sweep, and select seven new men, and so restore the waning
confidence of the country.
The President listened with patient courtesy, and when the Senators had
concluded, he said, with a characteristic gleam of humor in his eye:
“Gentlemen, your request for a change of the whole Cabinet because I
have made one change reminds me of a story I once heard in Illinois,
of a farmer who was much troubled by skunks. His wife insisted on his
trying to get rid of them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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