“Enormously; he is terribly sweet. I intend to marry a man just like
him. Or, at least, he was the second kind I decided on: the first only
had money, then I chose one with money who was kind, but now I don't
know. It's very funny: kindness makes me impatient. I'm perfectly sure
I'll never care for babies, they are so mussy. I don't read, and I can't
stand being--well, loved.
“Mother went to a great many parties; every one liked her and she liked
every one back; so it was easy for her. I used to long for the time when
I'd wear a lovely cloak and go out in a little shut motor with a man
with pearls; but now that's gone. They want to kiss you so much. I wish
that satisfied me. Why doesn't it? Is there anything the matter with me,
do you think? I've been told that I haven't any heart.”
As he laughed at her she noticed how absurdly small a cigarette seemed
in his broad powerful hand. “What has happened to you is this,” he
explained: “a combination of special circumstances has helped you in
every way to be what, individually, you were. As a rule, children are
brought up in a house of lies, like taking a fine naked body and binding
it into hideous rigid clothes. You escaped the damnation of cheap
ready-cut morals and education. Your mother ought to have a superb
monument--the perfect parent. Of course you haven't a 'heart.' From the
standpoint of nature and society you're as depraved as possible. You are
worse than any one else here--than all of them rolled together.”
Curiously, she thought, this didn't disturb her, which proved at once
that he was right. Linda regarded herself with interest as a supremely
reprehensible person, perhaps a vampire. The latter, though, was a
rather stout woman who, dressed in frightful lingerie, occupied couches
with her arms caught about the neck of a man bending over her. Every
detail of this was distasteful.
What was she?
Her attention wandered to the squat Chinese god in the glass case. It
was clear that he hadn't stirred for ages. A difficult thought partly
formed in her mind--the Chinese was the god of this room, of Markue's
party, of the women seated in the dim light on the floor and the divans;
the low gurgle of their laughter, the dusky whiteness of their shoulders
in the upcoiling incense, the smothered gleams of their hair, with the
whispering men, were the world of the grayish-green image.
She explained this haltingly to Pleydon, who listened with a flattering
interest. “I expect you're laughing at me inside,” she ended impotently.
“And the other, the Greek Victory,” he added, “is the goddess of the
other world, of the spirit. It's quaint a heathen woman should be that.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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