All about him was black, the sun and the bright room, the greenery
outside and the blue air he had come in from--all the past was
black--black, heavy and impenetrable. And that night he could see
nothing but that pale face. He could think of nothing but the poor head
which seemed so weary, and yet was lifted again and again with a groan
of anguish.
But there was a change in this regular movement. The moaning ceased, the
eyes slowly opened and stared about inquiringly, while the lips tried to
say something.
'Good-morning, father,' whispered Johannes, looking into the seeking
eyes and trembling with terror. The dim gaze rested on him, and a faint,
faint smile moved the hollow cheeks; the thin clenched hand was lifted
from the sheet and made a feeble movement towards Johannes, but it
dropped again, powerless.
'Come, come,' said Pluizer. 'No scenes here.'
'Get out of the way, Johannes,' said Doctor Cypher. 'We must see what
can be done.'
The Doctor began his examination, and Johannes went away from the
bed-side and stood by the window, looking out at the sunlit grass and
broad chestnut leaves on which large flies were sitting which shone
blue in the sun.
The groaning began again with the same regularity.
A blackbird was hopping among the tali grass, large red and black
butterflies fluttered over the flower-beds, and from the topmost boughs
of the highest trees a soft, tender cooing of wood-pigeons, fell on
Johannes's ear. In the room the moaning went on--without ceasing. He
could not help listening--and it came as regularly, as inevitably as the
falling drip which may drive a man mad. He watched anxiously at every
interval and it always came again--as awful as the approaching footsteps
of Death.
And outside, warm and rapturous delight in the sunshine reigned.
Everything was basking and happy. The blades of grass thrilled and the
leaves whispered for sheer gladness. High above the trees in the deep,
distant blue, a heron was soaring on lazy wing.
Johannes did not understand--it was all a mystery to him. Everything was
confused and dark in his soul--
'How can all this exist in me at the same time?' thought he. 'Am I
really myself? Is that my father--my own father? Mine--Johannes's?' And
it was as though a stranger spoke.
It was all a tale which he had heard. He had heard some one tell of
Johannes, and of the house where he dwelt with his father from whom he
had run away, and who was now dying. This was not himself--he had only
heard of it all; and indeed it was a sad story,--very sad. But it had
nothing to do with him.
And yet--and yet.--It was he himself, Johannes.
'I cannot understand the case,' said Doctor Cypher, pulling himself up.
'It is a very mysterious attack.'
Pluizer came up to Johannes.
'Come and look, Johannes; it is a very interesting case. The Doctor
knows nothing about it.'
'Leave me alone,' said Johannes, without turning round. 'I cannot
think.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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