Moneyed aristokrasy iz very good to liv on in the present hi kondishun ov kodphis and wearing apparel, provided yu see the munny, but if the munny kind of tires out and don't reach yu, and you don't git ennything but the aristokrasy, you hay got to diet, that's all. I kno ov thousands who are now dieting on aristokrasy. They say it tastes good. I presume they lie without knowing it. Not enny ov this sort ov aristokrasy for Joshua Billings. I never should think ov mixing munny and aristokrasy together; i will take mine seperate, if yu pleze. I don't never expekt tew be an aristokrat, nor an angel; i don't kno az i want tew be one. I certainly should make a miserable angel. I certainly never shall hav munny enuff tew make an aristokrat. Raizing aristokrats iz a dredful poor bizzness; yu don't never git your seed back. One democrat iz worth more tew the world than 60 thousand manufaktured aristokrats. An Amerikan aristokrat iz the most ridikilus thing in market. They are generally ashamed ov their ansesstors; and, if they hav enny, and live long enuff, they generally hav cauze tew be ashamed ov their posterity. I kno ov sevral familys in Amerika who are trieing tew liv on their aristokrasy. The money and branes giv out sumtime ago. It iz hard skratching for them. Yu kan warm up kold potatoze and liv on them, but yu kant warm up aristokratik pride and git even a smell. Yu might az well undertake tew raze a krop ov korn in a deserted brikyard by manuring the ground heavy with tanbark. Yung man, set down, and keep still--yu will hay plenty ov chances yet to make a phool ov yureself before yu die. * * * * * It is told of an old Baptist parson, famous in Virginia, that he once visited a plantation where the colored servant who met him at the gate asked which barn he would have his horse put in. "Have you two barns?" asked the minister. "Yes, sah," replied the servant; "dar's de old barn, and Mas'r Wales has jest built a new one." "Where do you usually put the horses of clergymen who come to see your master?" "Well, sah, if dey's Methodist or Baptist we gen'ally puts 'em in de ole barn, but if dey's 'Piscopals we puts 'em in the new one." "Well, Bob, you can put my horse in the new barn; I'm a Baptist, but my horse is an Episcopalian." JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL THE YANKEE RECRUIT Mister Buckinum, the follerin Billet was writ hum by a Yung feller of our town that wuz cussed fool enuff to goe a-trottin inter Miss Chiff arter a Drum and fife. It ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's sick o' any bizness that he went intu off his own free will and a Cord, but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired o' voluntearin By this time. I bleeve yu may put dependunts on his statemence. For I never heered nothin bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur cals a _pongshong_ for cocktales, and ses it wuz a soshiashun of idees sot him agoin arter the Crootin Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.