Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
General
Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
American wit and humor
before the ladder arrived that was to succor him, he became the sworn
ally of Melons, and, I regret to say, incited by the same audacious
boy, "chaffed" his own flesh and blood below him. He was eventually
taken, though, of course, Melons escaped. But Tommy was restricted
to the window after that, and the companionship was limited to "Hi,
Melons!" and "You, Tommy!" and Melons to all practical purposes lost
him forever. I looked afterward to see some signs of sorrow on Melons'
part, but in vain; he buried his grief, if he had any, somewhere in his
one voluminous garment.
At about this time my opportunities of knowing Melons became more
extended. I was engaged in filling a void in the Literature of the
Pacific Coast. As this void was a pretty large one, and as I was
informed that the Pacific Coast languished under it, I set apart two
hours each day to this work of filling in. It was necessary that I
should adopt a methodical system, so I retired from the world and
locked myself in my room at a certain hour each day, after coming
from my office. I then carefully drew out my portfolio and read what
I had written the day before. This would suggest some alterations,
and I would carefully rewrite it. During this operation I would turn
to consult a book of reference, which invariably proved extremely
interesting and attractive. It would generally suggest another and
better method of "filling in." Turning this method over reflectively
in my mind, I would finally commence the new method which I eventually
abandoned for the original plan. At this time I would become convinced
that my exhausted faculties demanded a cigar. The operation of lighting
a cigar usually suggested that a little quiet reflection and meditation
would be of service to me, and I always allowed myself to be guided
by prudential instincts. Eventually, seated by my window, as before
stated, Melons asserted himself. Though our conversation rarely went
further than "Hello, Mister!" and "Ah, Melons!" a vagabond instinct we
felt in common implied a communion deeper than words. Thus time passed,
often beguiled by gymnastics on the fence or line (always with an eye
to my window) until dinner was announced and I found a more practical
void required my attention. An unlooked-for incident drew us in closer
relation.
A seafaring friend just from a tropical voyage had presented me with
a bunch of bananas. They were not quite ripe, and I hung them before
my window to mature in the sun of McGinnis's Court, whose forcing
qualities were remarkable. In the mysteriously mingled odors of ship
and shore which they diffused throughout my room, there was lingering
reminiscence of low latitudes. But even that joy was fleeting and
evanescent: they never reached maturity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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