Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
General
Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
American wit and humor
Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,
Hain't they cut a thunderin' swath
(Helped by Yankee renegaders),
Thru the vartu o' the North!
We begin to think it's natur
To take sarse an' not be riled--
Who'd expect to see a tater
All on eend at bein' biled?
Ez fer war, I call it murder--
There you hev it plain an' flat;
I don't want to go no furder
Than my Testament fer that;
God hez sed so plump an' fairly,
It's ez long ez it is broad,
An' you've gut to git up airly
Ef you want to take in God.
'Tain't your eppyletts an' feathers
Make the thing a grain more right;
'Tain't a-follerin' your bell-wethers
Will excuse ye in His sight;
Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
An' go stick a feller thru,
Guv'ment ain't to answer for it,
God'll send the bill to you.
Wut's the use o' meetin'-goin'
Every Sabbath, wet or dry,
Ef it's right to go a-mowin'
Feller-men like oats an' rye?
I dunno but wut it's pooty
Trainin' round in bobtail coats--
But it's curus Christian dooty
This 'ere cuttin' folks's throats.
They may talk o' Freedom's airy
Tell they're pupple in the face--
It's a grand gret cemetary
Fer the barthrights of our race;
They jest want this Californy
So's to lug new slave States in
To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,
An' to plunder ye like sin.
Ain't it cute to see a Yankee
Take sech everlastin' pains,
All to git the Devil's thankee
Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?
Wy, it's jest ez clear ez figgers,
Clear ez one an' one make two,
Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers
Want to make wite slaves o' you.
Tell ye jest the eend I've come to
Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,
An' it makes a handy sum, tu,
Any gump could larn by heart;
Laborin' man an' laborin' woman
Hev one glory an' one shame.
Ev'ythin' thet's done inhuman
Injers all on 'em the same.
'Tain't by turnin' out to hack folks
You're agoin' to git your rights
Nor by lookin' down on black folks
Coz you're put upon by wite;
Slavery ain't o' nary color,
'Tain't the hide thet makes it wus,
All it keers fer is a feller
'S jest to make him fill his pus.
Want to tackle _me_ in, du ye?
I expect you'll hev to wait;
Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye
You'll begin to kal'late;
S'pose the crows wun't fall to pickin'
All the carkiss from your bones,
Coz you helped to give a lickin'
To them poor half-Spanish drones?
Jest go home an' ask our Nancy
Wether I'd be sech a goose
Ez to jine ye--guess you'd fancy
The etarnal bung wuz loose!
She wants me fer home consumption,
Let alone the hay's to mow--
Ef you're arter folks o' gumption,
You've a darned long row to hoe.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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