Manners and customs -- Fiction; North Carolina -- Fiction
“You!” she cried, turning on him with a bitter, almost wild gesture.
“_You_ wouldn't keer if I was struck _dead_ afore ye!”
“Look here,” he said to her, with an agitation he could not master. “Let
me tell you something about myself. If you think I am a passably good
fellow you are mistaken. I am a bad fellow, a poor fellow, an ignoble
fellow. You don't understand?” as she gazed at him in bewilderment. “No,
of course, you don't. God knows I didn't myself until within the last
two weeks. It's folly to say such things to you; perhaps I say them half
to satisfy myself. But I mean to show you that I am not to be trusted.
I think perhaps I am too poor a fellow to love any woman honestly and
altogether. I followed one woman here, and then after all let another
make me waver”--
“Another!” she faltered.
He fixed his eyes on her almost coldly.
“You,” he said.
He seemed to cast the word at her and wonder what she would make of it
He waited a second or so before he went on.
“_You_, and yet you are not the woman I love either. Good God! What a
villain I must be. I am an insult to every woman that breathes. It
is not even you--though I can't break from you, and you have made me
despise myself. There! do you know now--do you see now that I am not
worth “--
The next instant he started backward. Before he had time for a thought
she had uttered a low cry, and flung herself down at his feet.
“I don't keer,” she panted; “I wont keer fur nothin',--whether ye're
good or bad,--only don't leave me here when ye go away.”
*****
A week later Lennox arose one morning and set about the task of getting
his belongings together. He had been up late and had slept heavily and
long. He felt exhausted and looked so.
The day before, his model had given him his last sitting. The picture
stood finished upon the easel. It was a thorough and artistic piece of
work, and yet the sight of it was at times unbearable to him. There were
times again, however, when it fascinated him anew when he went and stood
opposite to it, regarding it with an intense gaze. He scarcely knew
how the last week had passed. It seemed to have been spent in alternate
feverish struggles and reckless abandonment to impulse. He had let
himself drift here and there, he had at last gone so far as to tell
himself that the time had arrived when baseness was possible to him.
“I don't promise you an easy life,” he had said to Dusk the night
before. “I tell you I am a bad fellow, and I have lost something through
you that I cared for. You may wish yourself back again.”
“If you leave me,” she said, “I'll kill myself!” and she struck her
hands together.
For the moment he was filled, as he often was, with a sense of
passionate admiration. It was true he saw her as no other creature had
ever seen her before, that so far as such a thing was possible with her,
she loved him--loved him with a fierce, unreserved, yet narrow passion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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