He shuddered, less at the narrowness of his own escape, than at New
York whose business came up to him now through the open windows.... The
shaving had dragged. He was not accustomed to study his own face. The
very novelty of it had held him this time--and especially the thought
of what she might have seen there. Suddenly he wanted something big to
take back to her--a manhood of mind and an integrity of soul--something
to match that superb freedom she had wrung from the world. A thousand
times the different parts of her story had returned to his mind, always
filling him with awe and wonder. She had come like one with a task, and
set about it from a child, against all odds, putting all laws of men
beneath--as if the task had been arranged before she came. He knew that
the essence of this freedom was in the hearts of women everywhere, but
she had made it manifest, dared all suffering for it. And yet with all
the struggle behind her, the gentleness which he had come to know in
her nature was one of the great revelations. It gave him a vision of
the potential beauty of humanity; it made him understand that one must
be powerful before one can be gentle; that one must master one’s self
before one dare be free. All that he had was far too little to bring
home to her. This morning he felt that nothing short of the impossible
was worth going after.
A little later as he was leaving the room, the telephone rang. The
operator said that a gentleman wanted to see him. On the lower floor,
Bellair glanced into the eyes of a young man who wanted something;
“glanced _into_” is somewhat inaccurate; rather his eyes glanced
from the other’s, and took away a peculiar, indescribable interest.
It was the look of a colt he had seen, a glitter of wildness and
irresponsibility in a face that was handsome but not at its best.
Bellair had seen something of the expression in the faces of young men
who had been fathered too much; those who had not met the masterful
influence of denial, and had been allowed to lean too long. The face
had everything to charm and to express beauty and reality with, but the
inner lines of it were not formed; the judgments lacking, the personal
needs too imperious. He had made the most of well-worn clothing, but
appeared to feel keenly the poorness of it.
“I came in here yesterday,” he said hastily. “It all happened because
the ledger was turned back. I glanced at it, as one will, and standing
out from the page was ‘Auckland, N. Z.’ It was as if written in
different colour to me. I followed the line back to the name--and tried
to see you yesterday afternoon and last night. You didn’t come in----”
“You come from Auckland?” Bellair asked.
“Yes----”
“How long?”
“It’s more than a year.... Small thing to meet a stranger on, but it
was all I had. Auckland is so far and so different--that when I saw
it--it seemed there must be a chance----”
“Of course. I know how it is,” said Bellair. “Do you want to get back?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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