Comedy plays; Courts and courtiers -- Drama; Navarre (Kingdom) -- Drama; Princesses -- Drama
NATHANIEL.
_When in the world I lived, I was the world’s commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might.
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander._
BOYET.
Your nose says, no, you are not; for it stands to right.
BEROWNE.
Your nose smells “no” in this, most tender-smelling knight.
PRINCESS.
The conqueror is dismayed. Proceed, good Alexander.
NATHANIEL.
_When in the world I lived, I was the world’s commander_—
BOYET.
Most true; ’tis right. You were so, Alisander.
BEROWNE.
Pompey the Great—
COSTARD.
Your servant, and Costard.
BEROWNE.
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
COSTARD.
[_To Sir Nathaniel_.] O sir, you have overthrown Alisander the
Conqueror. You will be scraped out of the painted cloth for this. Your
lion, that holds his pole-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given
to Ajax. He will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror, and afeard to speak?
Run away for shame, Alisander. [_Nathaniel retires_.] There, an’t shall
please you, a foolish mild man; an honest man, look you, and soon
dashed. He is a marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good
bowler; but for Alisander, alas you see how ’tis—a little o’erparted.
But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other
sort.
PRINCESS.
Stand aside, good Pompey.
Enter Holofernes, the Pedant, as Judas, and Moth, the Boy, as Hercules.
HOLOFERNES.
_Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club killed Cerberus, that three-headed_ canus,
_And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his_ manus.
Quoniam _he seemeth in minority_,
Ergo _I come with this apology._
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.
[_Moth retires._]
_Judas I am._—
DUMAINE.
A Judas!
HOLOFERNES.
Not Iscariot, sir.
_Judas I am, ycleped Maccabaeus._
DUMAINE.
Judas Maccabaeus clipped is plain Judas.
BEROWNE.
A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?
HOLOFERNES.
_Judas I am_—
DUMAINE.
The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES.
What mean you, sir?
BOYET.
To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES.
Begin, sir; you are my elder.
BEROWNE.
Well followed. Judas was hanged on an elder.
HOLOFERNES.
I will not be put out of countenance.
BEROWNE.
Because thou hast no face.
HOLOFERNES.
What is this?
BOYET.
A cittern-head.
DUMAINE.
The head of a bodkin.
BEROWNE.
A death’s face in a ring.
LONGAVILLE.
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.
BOYET.
The pommel of Caesar’s falchion.
DUMAINE.
The carved-bone face on a flask.
BEROWNE.
Saint George’s half-cheek in a brooch.
DUMAINE.
Ay, and in a brooch of lead.
BEROWNE.
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward, for we have put thee in countenance.
HOLOFERNES.
You have put me out of countenance.
BEROWNE.
False. We have given thee faces.
HOLOFERNES.
But you have outfaced them all.
BEROWNE.
An thou wert a lion, we would do so.
BOYET.
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude. Nay, why dost thou stay?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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