“You must get some kind of routine work,” he declared--“enough to
support you. You can’t expect to live by your writing.”
“But if I do that, I can’t write!” cried Thyrsis.
“You’ll have to do the best you can,” said the other.
“But I can’t do _anything!_ The emotions of it eat me all up. I daren’t
even let myself think about my work when I have to do other things.”
“I should think,” commented the professor, “that you would find you are
still more hindered by the uncertainties of hack-work.”
“I do find that,” the boy replied. “That is just what is the matter with
me.”
“I’m afraid you’ll be forced to a compromise in the end.”
“But I won’t! I won’t!” cried Thyrsis, wildly. “I will starve first!”
The other said nothing.
“Or I will beg!” added Thyrsis.
The other’s look clouded slightly--as the boy, with his quick
sensitiveness, noted instantly. “Of course,” said the professor, “if you
are not ashamed to do that--”
“But why should I be ashamed? Greater men than I have begged for their
art.”
“Yes. I know that. And naturally--I honor that feeling in you. If you
have that much fervor--why, of course, you will do it. But I’m afraid
you’ll find it a humiliating experience.”
“I wouldn’t expect to find it a picnic,” answered Thyrsis, and took his
departure--having perceived that the professor’s leading thought was a
fear lest he should begin his begging that day.
So there it was! There was the eminent critic, the writer of exquisite
appreciations of literature! The darling of the salons of Boston--which
called itself the Athens of America and the hub of the universe! A man
with a brain full of all the culture of the ages--and with the heart of
a mummy and the soul of a snob! He had approved of Thyrsis’ consecration
with his lips--because he did not dare to disapprove it, because the
ghosts of a thousand paupers of genius had stood over him and awed
him into silence. But in his secret heart he had despised this wan and
haggard boy who threatened to beg; and the boy went out of the palace of
luxury, feeling like an outcast rat.
Section 7. From this interview Thyrsis went to meet Corydon in the
park; and after he had told her what had happened, they began one more
discussion of their great problem. This had to be the final one; for the
month of respite had passed, and the time for action was come!
Through their long arguments, Thyrsis had gradually come to realize that
the decision rested with him. Corydon was in his hands; she had become
a burden upon him, and she would rather she were dead; and so he had to
take the responsibility and issue the command. So through many an
hour while Corydon slept he had marshalled the facts and tested them,
hungering with all his soul for knowledge of the right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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