England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Drama; Mistaken identity -- Drama
_Phillipson._ Oh, I think I can give a tolerable guess at what _you_
are.
_Undershell._ You recognize the stamp of the Muse upon me, then?
_Phillipson._ Well, I shouldn't have taken you for a groom exactly.
_Undershell_ (_with some chagrin_). You are really too flattering!
_Phillipson._ Am I? Then it's your turn now. You might say you'd never
have taken me for a _lady's maid_!
_Undershell._ I might--if I had any desire to make an unnecessary and
insulting remark.
_Phillipson._ Insulting? Why, it's what I _am_! I'm maid to Lady
Maisie. I thought your mysterious instinct told you all about it?
_Undershell_ (_to himself--after the first shock_). A lady's maid!
Gracious Heaven! What have I been saying--or rather, what _haven't_ I?
(_Aloud._) To--to be sure it did. Of course, I quite understand
_that_. (_To himself._) Oh, confound it all, I wish we were at Wyvern!
_Phillipson._ And, after all, you've never told me who _you_ are. Who
_are_ you?
_Undershell_ (_to himself_). I must not humiliate this poor girl!
(_Aloud._) I? Oh--a very insignificant person, I assure you! (_To
himself._) This is an occasion in which deception is pardonable--even
justifiable!
_Phillipson._ Oh, I knew _that_ much. But you let out just now you
had to do with a Mews. You aren't a rough-rider, are you?
_Undershell._ N--not _exactly_--not a _rough_-rider. (_To himself._)
Never on a horse in my life!--unless I count my _Pegasus_. (_Aloud._)
But you are right in supposing I am connected with a muse--in one
sense.
_Phillipson._ I _said_ so, didn't I? Don't you think it was rather
clever of me to spot you, when you're not a bit horsey-looking?
_Undershell_ (_with elaborate irony_). Accept my compliments on a
power of penetration which is simply phenomenal!
_Phillipson_ (_giving him a little push_). Oh, go along--it's all talk
with you--I don't believe you mean a word you say!
_Undershell_ (_to himself_). She's becoming absolutely vulgar.
(_Aloud._) I don't--I _don't_; it's a manner I have; you mustn't
attach any importance to it--none whatever!
_Phillipson._ What! Not to all those high-flown compliments? Do you
mean to tell me you are only a gay deceiver, then?
_Undershell_ (_in horror_). Not a _deceiver_, no; and decidedly not
_gay_. I mean I _did_ mean the _compliments_, of course. (_To
himself._) I mustn't let her suspect anything, or she'll get talking
about it; it would be too horrible if this were to get round to Lady
Maisie or the Culverins--so undignified; and it would ruin all my
_prestige_! I've only to go on playing a part for a few minutes,
and--maid or not--she's a most engaging girl!
[_He goes on playing the part, with the unexpected result
of sending_ Miss PHILLIPSON _into fits of uncontrollable
laughter_.
_At a Back Entrance at Wyvern. The Fly has just set down_
PHILLIPSON _and_ UNDERSHELL.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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