_Steptoe_ (_relaxing_). Well, well, sir; we must make some allowances for a neophyte. You'll know better another time, _I_ dare say. Miss Phillipson here has been giving you a very favourable character as a highly agreeable rattle, Mr. Undershell. I hope we may be favoured with a specimen of your social talents later on. We're always grateful here for anything in that way--such as a recitation now, or a comic song, or a yumorous imitation--anything, in short, calculated to promote the general harmony and festivity will be appreciated. _Miss Stickler_ (_acidly_). Provided it is free from any helement of coarseness, which we do _not_ encourage--far from it! _Undershell_ (_suppressing his irritation_). You need be under no alarm, madam. I do not propose to attempt a performance of _any_ kind. _Phillipson._ Don't be so solemn, Mr. Undershell! I'm sure you can be as comical as any play-actor when you choose! _Undershell._ I really don't know how I can have given you that impression. If you expect me to treat my lyre like a _horse-collar_, and grin through it, I'm afraid I am unable to gratify you. _Steptoe_ (_at sea_). Capital, sir, the professional allusion very neat. You'll come out presently, _I_ can see, when supper's on the table. Can't expect you to rattle till you've something _inside_ of you, can we? _Miss Stickler._ Reelly, Mr. Steptoe, I _am_ surprised at such commonness from _you_! _Steptoe._ Now you're too severe, Miss Stickler, you are indeed. An innocent little Judy Mow like that! _Tredwell_ (_outside_). Don't answer _me_, sir. Ham I butler 'ere, or ham I _not_? I've a precious good mind to report you for such a hignorant blunder.... I don't want to hear another word about the gentleman's cloes--you'd no hearthly business for to do such a thing at all! (_He enters and flings himself down on a chair._) That Thomas is beyond everything--stoopid _hass_ as he is! _Mrs. Pomfret_ (_concerned_). La, Mr. Tredwell, you _do_ seem put out! Whatever have Thomas been doing _now_? _Undershell_ (_to himself_). It's really very good of him to take it to heart like this! (_Aloud._) Pray don't let it distress you; it's of no consequence, none at all! _Tredwell_ (_glaring_). I'm the best judge of that, Mr. Undershell, sir--if you'll allow _me_; _I_ don't call my porogatives of no consequence, whatever _you_ may! And that feller Thomas, Mrs. Pomfret, actially 'ad the hordacity, without consulting me previous, to go and 'and a note to one of our gentlemen at the hupstairs table, all about some hassinine mistake he'd made with his cloes! What call had he to take it upon himself? I feel puffecly disgraced that such a thing should have occurred under my authority! [_The_ Steward's Room Boy _has entered with a dish, and listens with secret anxiety on his own account_. _Undershell._ I assure you there is no harm done. The gentleman is wearing my evening clothes--but he's going to return them----