Mademoiselle de Maupin, Volume 1 (of 2)Gautier, Théophile
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Mademoiselle de Maupin, Volume 1 (of 2)
Gautier, Théophile
French fiction -- Translations into English
They suffer and feel their wounds, but at all events
they live. They have some interest in life; they have
a star about which they gravitate, a pole toward which
they ardently extend their hands. They have something to
long for; they can say to themselves: "If I reach that
point, if I obtain that, I shall be happy."--They suffer
frightful agony, but when they die, they can at least say
to themselves: "I am dying for him."--To die thus is to
be born again. The really unhappy, the only ones who are
irreparably so, are they whose wild embrace takes in the
whole universe, they who want everything and nothing, and
who would be embarrassed and speechless if an angel or
fairy should descend to earth and say suddenly to them:
"Express one wish and it shall be gratified."
ROSETTE.
If a fairy should come I know what I would ask her.
THÉODORE.
You know, Rosette, and therein you are happier than I, for
I do not know. There are in my heart many vague longings,
which become confounded with one another and give birth
to others which eventually consume them. My desires are a
cloud of birds that fly aimlessly this way and that; yours
is an eagle that has its eyes on the sun and is prevented
by lack of air from soaring upward on its outspread wings.
Ah! if I could only know what I want; if the idea that
haunts me would stand out clear and well-defined from
the mist that envelops it; if the lucky or unlucky star
would appear in the depths of my sky; if the light I am to
follow would shine out through the darkness, a deceitful
will-o'-the-wisp or a friendly beacon; if my column of
fire would go on before me, even though it were through
a desert without manna and without springs of water; if
I knew where I am going, even though my path ends at a
precipice!--I would prefer the wild flights of accursed
huntsmen through bogs and thickets, to this absurd and
monotonous stamping and pawing. To live thus is to follow
a trade like that of the horses with bandages over their
eyes, who turn the wheel of a well, and travel thousands
of leagues without seeing anything or changing their
position.--I have been turning a long while, and the
bucket ought to be at the top.
ROSETTE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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