It was altogether amazing how ideas, expressed in words, kept running
from mind to mind. “I’m a great little swimmer in seas.” But a short
time before her father had said the words as she stood in the doorway
between the two bedrooms and he came walking toward her. He had wanted
to give her the stone, she now held pressed against the palm of her
hand, and had wanted to say something about it, and instead of words
regarding the stone, there had come to his lips these words about
swimming in seas. There had been something puzzled and confused in his
whole bearing at the moment. He had been upset, as she was now. The
moment was now being lived over again, swiftly, in the daughter’s mind.
Her father was again stepping toward her, holding the stone between his
thumb and finger, and the wavering, uncertain light had again come into
his eyes. Quite distinctly, as though he were again in her presence,
Jane heard again the words that, but such a short time before, had
seemed without meaning, meaningless words come from the lips of a man
temporarily drunk or insane, “I’m a great little swimmer in seas.”
* * * * *
She had been plunged down from a high safe place, down into a sea
of doubt and fear. Only a short time before, but yesterday, she had
been standing on firm ground. One could let one’s fancy play with the
thought of what had happened to her. There would be a kind of comfort
in doing that.
She had been standing on firm ground, high above a vast sea of
confusion, and then, quite suddenly, she had been pushed off the firm
high ground and down into the sea.
Now, at this very moment, she was falling down into the sea. Now a new
life had to begin for her. Her father had gone away with a strange
woman and her mother was dead.
She was falling down off the high safe ground into the sea. With a kind
of absurd flourish, as by a gesture of the arm, her own father had
plunged her down. She was clad in her white nightgown and her falling
figure made a white streak against the gray of cold skies.
Her father had put a meaningless little stone in her hand and had gone
away and then her mother had gone into the bathroom and had done a
terrible, an unthinkable thing, to herself.
And now she, Jane Webster, had gone quite down into the sea, far far
down into a lonely cold gray place. She had gone down into the place
from which all life came and to which, in the end, all life goes.
There was a heaviness, a deadly heaviness. All life had become gray and
cold and old. One walked in darkness. One’s body fell with a soft thump
against gray soft unyielding walls.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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