“Well now,” he began again, “you are going to think me insane and
perhaps I am. I don’t know. Anyway my being here in this room with the
Virgin and without any clothes, the strangeness of all this will make
you think me insane. Your mind will cling to that thought. It will want
to cling to that thought,” he said aloud. “It may turn out so for a
time.”
He seemed puzzled as to how to say all the things he wanted to say.
The whole matter, the scene in the room, the talk with his daughter
that he had planned so carefully was going to be a harder matter to
handle than he had counted on. He had thought there would be a kind
of final significance in his nakedness and in the presence of the
Virgin and her candles. Had he overset the stage? He wondered, and kept
looking with eyes filled with anxiety at his daughter’s face. It told
him nothing. She was just frightened and clinging to the railing at
the foot of the bed as one cast suddenly into the sea might cling to a
floating piece of wood. His wife’s body lying on the bed had a strange
rigid look. Well there had for years been something rigid and cold in
the woman’s body. Perhaps she had died. That would be a thing to have
happen. It would be something he had not counted upon. It was rather
strange, now that he came to face the problem before him, how very
little the presence of his wife had to do with the matter in hand.
He stopped looking at his daughter and began walking up and down and
as he walked he talked. In a calm, although slightly strained voice
he began trying to explain first of all the presence of the Virgin
and the candles in the room. He was speaking now to some person, not
his own daughter but just a human being like himself. Immediately he
felt relieved. “Well, now. That’s the ticket. That’s the way to go at
things,” he thought. For a long time he went on talking and walking
thus up and down. It was better not to think too much. One had to cling
to the faith that the thing he had so recently found within himself
and within Natalie was somewhere alive in her too. Before the morning
when the whole matter between himself and Natalie began, his life had
been like a beach covered with rubbish and lying in darkness. The beach
was covered with old dead water-logged trees and stumps. The twisted
roots of old trees stuck up into the darkness. Before it lay the heavy
sluggish inert sea of life.
And then there had come this storm within and now the beach was clean.
Could he keep it clean? Could he keep it clean so that it would sparkle
in the morning light?
He was trying to tell his daughter Jane something about the life he
had lived in the house with her and why, before he could talk to her,
he had been compelled to do something extraordinary, like bringing the
Virgin into his room and taking off his own body the clothes that, when
he wore them, would make him seem in her eyes just the goer in and out
of the house, the provider of bread and clothes for herself she had
always known.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account