A quarter of an hour later we had our first quarrel. I asked him if it
was cold up where he was. He said morosely that he had heard that joke
on his stature a few times before. I told him that if he lived long
enough--and I'd never seen anybody living much longer--he was likely to
hear it a few times again. He then said that either I could hop off the
'bus or he would, and he didn't care which. After that we both were
rather rude. He got me by the hair, and I had just landed a straight
left to the point when the conductor came up and said he would not have
it.
I became engaged to Hugo that night at 10.41. I remember the time
exactly, because Mrs. Pettifer had a rule that all her maids were to be
in the house by ten sharp, and I was rather keeping an eye on my watch
in consequence.
To tell the truth, we quarrelled very frequently. Different though we
were in many respects, we both had irritable, overstrung, tri-chord
natures, with hair-spring nerves connected direct to the high-explosive
language-mine.
On one occasion I went with him to a paper fancy-dress dance at the
rooms attached to the Hopley Arms. I went as "The Sunday Times," my
dress being composed of two copies of that excellent, though
inexpensive journal, tastefully arranged on a concrete foundation.
When Millie Wyandotte saw me, she called out: "Hello, Marge! Got into
the newspapers at last?" I shall be even with that girl one of these
days.
I declined to dance with Hugo at all. I said frankly that I preferred to
dance with somebody who could touch the top of my head without stooping.
I went off with Georgie Leghorn, and Hugo sat and sulked.
Later in the evening he came up to me and asked if he should get my
cloak.
I said irritably: "Of course not. Why should you?"
"Well," he said, "I don't know whether you're aware of it, but you've
got three split infinitives in your City article."
"Ah!" I replied. "The next time Millie Wyandotte telephones up to your
head, give her my love and tell her not to over-strain herself."
Things went from bad to worse, and after he had alluded to my backbone
as my Personal Column, any possibility of reconciliation seemed at an
end. I did not know then what a terribly determined person Hugo was.
Georgie Leghorn saw me home. I parted with him at the house, let myself
in by the area-gate, locking it after me, and so down the steps and into
the kitchen.
There I had just taken off my hair when I heard a shrill whistle in the
street outside. Hurriedly replacing my only beauty, I drew up the blind
and looked out. There, up above me on the pavement, was Hugo, stretching
away into the distance.
"Called for the reconciliation," he said. "Just open this area gate,
will you?"
"At this time of night?" I called, in a tense whisper. "Certainly not."
He stepped back, and in one leap jumped over the area-railings and down
on to the window-sill of the kitchen. The next moment he had flung the
window up, entered, and stood beside me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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