"What do you think of that?" he said calmly. "Hugo," I said, "I've known some bounders in my time, but not one who could have done that." We sat down and began discussing the Disestablishment of the Welsh Church, when suddenly the area-gate was rattled and a stern voice outside said "Police." Instantly, Hugo concealed as much of himself as he could under the kitchen table. There was no help for it. I had to let the policeman in, or he would have roused the household. "I'm just going to have a look in your kitchen," he said. "No use," I replied. "The rabbit-pie was finished yesterday." "Saucy puss, ain't you?" he said, as he entered. "Well, you might be a sport and tell a girl what you're after." "Cabman, driving past here a few minutes ago, saw a man jump the area-railings and make a burglarious entry by the kitchen window." "Is that all?" I said. "A man did enter that way a few minutes ago, but it was not a burglar. It was Master Edward, Mrs. Pettifer's eldest son. He'd lost his latch-key--he's always doing it--and that's how it happened. He went straight upstairs to bed, or he'd confirm what I say." "Went straight up to bed, did he? Did he take his legs off first? I notice there's a pair of them sticking out from under the kitchen table." "Yes," I admitted, "I've told better lies in my time. Oh, Mr. Policeman, don't be hard. I never wanted my young man to come larking about like this. But--he's not a burglar. He's the exhibit from the Auto-extensor Co.'s in Regent Street. You can pull out the rest of him and see if he isn't." "That's what I told the cabman," said the policeman. "I said to him: 'You juggins,' I said, 'do you think a burglar who wants to get into a house waits till a cab's going past and then gives a acrobatic exhibition to attract the driver's attention? That's some young fool after one of the maids.' No, I don't want to see the rest of the young man--not if he's like the sample. Get him unwound as soon as you can, and send him about his business. If he's not out in two minutes, I shall ring the front door, and you'll be in the cart. And don't act so silly another time." Hugo was out in 1 min. 35 sec. He stopped to chat with the policeman, jumped the seven-foot railings into the square garden, and jumped back again, just to show what he could do, and went off. I gave a long, deep sigh. I always do that when an incident in my life fails to reach the best autobiographical level. I neither knew nor cared what the policeman thought. You see, I would never deserve a bad reputation, but there's nothing else I wouldn't do to get one. For eighty-four years--my memory for numbers is not absolutely accurate, but we will say eighty-four--for eighty-four years I wrote him a letter every morning and evening of every day, with the exception of Sundays, bank holidays, and the days when I did not feel like it.