and over again was he obliged to sit by this wretched woman’s bedside
till breakfast time, and then had to go to work as usual. Let anybody
who has seen a case of this kind say whether the State ought not to
provide for the relief of such men as John, and whether he ought not to
have been able to send his wife away to some institution where she might
have been tended and restrained from destroying, not merely herself, but
her husband and her child. John hardly bore up under this sorrow. A man
may endure much, provided he knows that he will be well supported when
his day’s toil is over; but if the help for which he looks fails, he
falls. Oh those weary days in that dark back dining-room, from which not
a square inch of sky was visible! weary days haunted by a fear that while
he was there unknown mischief was being done! weary days, whose close
nevertheless he dreaded! Beaten down, baffled, disappointed, if we are
in tolerable health we can contrive to live on some almost impossible
chance, some most distant flicker of hope. It is astonishing how minute
a crack in the heavy uniform cloud will relieve us; but when with all our
searching we can see nothing, then at last we sink. Such was John’s case
when I first came to know him. He attracted me rather, and bit by bit he
confided his story to me. He found out that I might be trusted, and that
I could sympathise, and he told me what he had never told to anybody
before. I was curious to discover whether religion had done anything for
him, and I put the question to him in an indirect way. His answer was
that “some on ’em say there’s a better world where everything will be put
right, but somehow it seemed too good to be true.” That was his reason
for disbelief, and heaven had not the slightest effect on him. He found
out the room, and was one of our most constant friends.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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