it would break in some slight degree the uniformity of his toil. For
example, he would sometimes change from quill to steel pens and back
again, and he found himself actually looking forward with a kind of
joy—merely because of the variation—to the day on which he had fixed to
go back to the quill after using steel. He would determine, two or three
days beforehand, to get up earlier, and to walk to Fleet Street by way of
Great Queen Street and Lincoln’s Inn Fields, and upon this he would
subsist till the day came. He could make no longer excursions because of
his lameness. All this may sound very much like simple silliness to most
people, but those who have not been bound to a wheel do not know what
thoughts come into the head of the strongest man who is extended on it.
Clark sat side by side in his gallery with other young men of rather a
degraded type, and the confinement bred in them a filthy grossness with
which they tormented him. They excited in him loathsome images, from
which he could not free himself either by day or night. He was
peculiarly weak in his inability to cast off impressions, or to get rid
of mental pictures when once formed, and his distress at being haunted by
these hateful, disgusting thoughts was pitiable. They were in fact
almost more than thoughts, they were transportations out of himself—real
visions. It would have been his salvation if he could have been a
carpenter or a bricklayer, in country air, but this could not be.
Clark had no power to think connectedly to a conclusion. When an idea
came into his head, he dwelt upon it incessantly, and no correction of
the false path upon which it set him was possible, because he avoided
society. Work over, he was so sick of people that he went back to
himself. So it came to pass that when brought into company, what he
believed and cherished was frequently found to be open to obvious
objection, and was often nothing better than nonsense which was rudely,
and as he himself was forced to admit, justly overthrown. He ought to
have been surrounded with intelligent friends, who would have enabled him
to see continually the other side, and who would have prevented his long
and useless wanderings. Like many other persons, too, whom I have
known—just in proportion to his lack of penetrative power was his
tendency to occupy himself with difficult questions. By a cruel destiny
he was impelled to dabble in matters for which he was totally unfitted.
He never could go beyond his author a single step, and he lost himself in
endless mazes. If he could but have been persuaded to content himself
with sweet presentations of wholesome happy existence, with stories and
with history, how much better it would have been for him! He had had no
proper training whatever for anything more, he was ignorant of the exact
meaning of the proper terminology of science, and an unlucky day it was
for him when he picked up on a bookstall some very early translation of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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