"... I bet he wouldn't even go up there to Ganymede. I sure wouldn't!
I'd be scared to death," Dwindle chattered, waving his finger. "How's he
gonna get back, even if he gets there O.K.? Couldn't anyone fool me with
a bunch of pretty talk; I know the government doesn't have a rocket that
could take off again after it got there. Gotta have launching pads and
computers and all that stuff. Government ever think about that?"
Jones held his head in anguish. "Dwindle, why don't you be a good boy
and run along to the snack bar for a coffee break? And bring me some
aspirin when you come back."
* * * * *
Freddy the Fish, Willy and Oscar Fronk were occupying the same bench, a
comradeship made necessary by the overpopulation of the park on such a
glorious day. Oscar was surveying the passing girls and scouting for
worthwhile cigarette stubs. Willy was admiring a hovering beetle's power
of flight, and Freddy was reading a discarded copy of _Scientific
American_.
The beetle landed on Willy's sleeve and promptly located a gaping tear
in the fabric, through which bare arm showed. Willy raised his other
hand menacingly.
"Don't," Freddy barked, causing Willy to jump with enough force to
dislodge the beetle.
"Aw, Freddy," Willy whined, "why dintcha lemme kill it? What good's a
stupid bug?"
"That would have been a rather unfortunate kill, Willy, by your bare
hand on your bare arm. You must learn to be cognizant of our insect
friends and insect enemies."
"So what's he, poison or sumpin'?"
"Unpleasant, at least," Freddy said. "That was a blister beetle; smash
it on your arm and you'll grow a nice welt. A member of the Meloidae
family."
"You mean bugs have families and all, too?" Willy asked.
"Beetle 'families' are groupings of similar species of insects," Freddy
explained. "Not actually kinfolk. For instance, this beetle is related
to the Lytta vesicatoria of southern Europe, more commonly known as
the--" Freddy glanced out of the corner of his eye at Oscar, hoping to
shield the next bit of information from his perverted brain, and
whispered the name.
Willy's eyes widened. "Hey, Oscar," he hollered, jumping up. "You hear
what Freddy said? That bug I almost swatted's practically a Spanish
Fly!"
"Which way'd he go?" Oscar squeaked, allowing his collection of stubs to
scatter as he hopped around, looking on and under and behind the bench
for the escaping insect.
"Hold it, hold it," Freddy commanded, trying to restore order. "I said
it's like it, not IS it. It doesn't have what it takes, so skip it,
huh?"
Willy and Oscar sat down again. "Freddy," Willy sighed with adoration,
"how'd ya ever get so smart? I mean, bein' a bum and all?"
"I keep telling you guys; I went to nothing but the finest universities.
Well, except toward the end, when I was getting desperate, I guess I
wasn't so choosy."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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