Boston (Mass.) -- Fiction; Women philanthropists -- Fiction
I like old places. I like to be on the oldest spot in this old, historic
town, as you may easily imagine, remembering all my antiquarian
enthusiasm when we were at school. Well, I have not outgrown it in the
least, in spite of all my modern radicalism about many things.
I wonder, dear, what all these ten years have brought to you. I have
been sitting and thinking, as the sunset glow has faded in the western
sky, all its glory turning so soon to dull, cold gray, how in these few
minutes the past years seem typified. What glorious visions, what
radiant achievements illumined the heavens when we looked at them with
the eyes of eighteen! What would we not, what could we not, dream of
doing then? I remember how you vowed that I was a genius, and were sure
that ten years would not pass before I should win renown. And now,
to-night, on my twenty-eighth birthday, I sit here as dull and prosy and
commonplace a spinster as one can well find in this city of spinsters.
After one is twenty-five and the birthdays begin to be a little
unwelcome, I suppose one is apt to be made a little morbid by them,
though I solace myself by thinking that since college girls in these
days rarely finish their studies before twenty-two, twenty-eight does
not seem so ancient as it was once thought to be.
How strange that we should have known so little of each other, we who
vowed that “ocean-sundered continents” should never make our girlhood’s
love less warm! But after your change of name and transfer to the China
Mission, while I was at Smith College, I lost sight of you, and, missing
your letters, knew not where to write. So you will understand my long
silence and know that the Mildred of ten years ago is the same Mildred
to-day, only no longer a girl, but a woman.
A woman, with many ambitions unsatisfied, with many heroes dethroned,
but with the same loves and hopes and fears, and with the same ideals,
although their attainment seems farther off with the growing years.
I have slowly come to recognize and be reconciled to my mediocrity; to
know that I have not had a thought but has been common to humanity; that
I am no whit wiser or better than all my fellows; and that what you in
girlish enthusiasm flattered me into believing was creative power was
simply a capacity to appreciate and be moved by what was great.
I have longed for power, but, believe me, not for name or fame. Simply
to have had the consciousness in myself that the world was better and
wiser for my having lived would have made all drudgery and toil a joy
and privilege. But the blessedness of giving and doing in a large
measure has not been granted to me. Not that I blame fate or
circumstance or environment. I have had health and freedom and friends;
no hindrances and no great sorrows since mother left me alone five years
ago.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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