Boston (Mass.) -- Fiction; Women philanthropists -- Fiction
The failure lies with myself alone. Sometimes there has been an
unutterable loneliness and a longing for something, I know not what; but
I suppose it must be for the love which has not yet come to me, and
which now may never come.
But I do not let that burden me overmuch. I have my daily task. I love
my work; and here, among my books, I thankfully count myself rich indeed
in the society of all the great and wise and good of whose treasures I
am the happy heir. I have traveled, too, and seen the Old World cities
and the castles, palaces, and ruins of which we used to dream. It was
not exactly the blissful experience I had fancied, for I was doomed to
be the companion of a stupid old dowager whose money bought my time and
service, and to whom I was useful as an interpreter of the arts and
languages with which she was unfamiliar.
I saw a great deal and learned some things. It helped me a little
towards reaching that goal of culture at which I aim, whence I can truly
say that “I count nothing human foreign to me.” It helped to free me
somewhat from the narrowness of my age and environment. I have become a
little more of a Greek, a little less of a rugged Goth. Not that mere
travel did this; if my eyes had not begun to be opened before, I should
have seen nothing. I have verified nothing more thoroughly than
Emerson’s saying, “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful
we must carry it with us or we find it not.”
I miss the picturesqueness and the charm of the Old World life. I am
surprised to find how shocked and annoyed I am at the crudities and
Philistinism of which I was once oblivious. But, after all, I am glad to
be back; glad to be in the current of real life again, and to take my
share in it. It is worth something to live in a land where one does not
have to despise the men or pity the women; where a man is not ashamed to
be seen carrying his own baby; where a girl can walk the streets alone
and unmolested, and where a lady can earn her daily bread and be thought
a lady still.
I have a quiet home with my mother’s cousin—“auntie,” I call her; and I
have settled down to steady work with a concert or play or toboggan
party to give it a little zest now and then. My classes take me to
Dorchester and Cambridge and Longwood. Once a week I meet a score or so
of our Boston society women in a Commonwealth Avenue drawing-room, who
manage, among their thousand and one lectures, lessons, and engagements
of every sort, to squeeze in an hour to hear me discourse on the topics
of the day, when I try to teach them about some phases of our nineteenth
century life of which they, like most women, know but little. As these
ladies include all shades of religious and political belief and
non-belief, I have to choose my words, as you may imagine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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