Memories of My Life: Being My Personal, Professional, and Social Recollections as Woman and ArtistBernhardt, Sarah
General
Memories of My Life: Being My Personal, Professional, and Social Recollections as Woman and Artist
Bernhardt, Sarah
Actors -- Biography; Bernhardt, Sarah, 1844-1923; Women -- Biography
Mother, admirably beautiful, looked like a Madonna, with her golden hair
and her eyes fringed with such long lashes that they made a shadow on
her cheeks when she lowered her eyes. She distributed money on all
sides. She would have given her golden hair, her slender white fingers,
her tiny feet, her life itself, in order to save her child. And she was
as sincere in her despair and her love as in her unconscious
forgetfulness. Baron Larrey returned to Paris, leaving my mother, Aunt
Rosine, and the surgeon with me. Forty-two days later, mother took the
nurse, the foster father, and me back in triumph to Paris, and installed
us in a little house at Neuilly, on the banks of the Seine. I had not
even a scar, it appears. My skin was rather too bright a pink, but that
was all. My mother, happy and trustful once more, began to travel again,
leaving me in care of my aunts.
Two years were spent in the little garden at Neuilly, which was full of
horrible dahlias growing close together and colored like wooden balls.
My aunts never came there. My mother used to send money, bonbons, and
toys. The foster father died and my nurse married a _concierge_, who
used to open the door at 65, rue de Provence.
Not knowing where to find my mother, and not being able to write, my
nurse, without telling any of my friends, took me with her to her new
abode.
The change delighted me. I was five years old at the time, and I
remember the day as if it were yesterday. My nurse’s abode was just over
the doorway of the house, and the window was framed in the heavy and
monumental door. From outside, I thought it was beautiful, and I began
to clap my hands on reaching the house. It was toward five o’clock in
the evening, in the month of November, when everything looks gray. I was
put to bed and no doubt I went to sleep at once, for there end my
recollections of that day.
The next morning there was terrible grief in store for me. There was no
window in the little room in which I slept, and I began to cry, and
escaped from the arms of my nurse, who was dressing me, so that I could
go into the adjoining room. I ran to the round window, which was an
immense “bull’s eye” above the doorway. I pressed my stubborn brow
against the glass and began to scream with rage on seeing no trees, no
boxwood, no leaves falling, nothing, nothing, but stone, cold, gray,
ugly stone, and panes of glass opposite me.
“I want to go away,” I screamed. “I don’t want to stay here! It is all
black, black! It is ugly! I want to see the ceiling of the street!” and
I burst into tears. My poor nurse took me up in her arms and, folding me
in a rug, took me down into the courtyard.
“Lift up your head, Milk Blossom, and look! See, there is the ceiling of
the street!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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