City and town life -- Fiction; Death -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Short stories, English
Next morning, when he awoke, he was feeling very ill. It was doubtless
influenza. There was no danger in that if one took care. He would
take care. He must. He dared not die. Death now had a bitterness double
distilled. All that Sunday he lay miserably in bed. As the hours wore
on he grew too ill to fear death--and after. He was too ill, even, to
be haunted by his usual terror when dusk fell.
Next day his laundress came to light the fire. He sent her off with a
telegram to the office, saying he could not come. She happened to meet
Harrowsmith on the landing and sent him in on her own initiative.
The doctor was assiduous. He was good to us all, and only grew angry if
we spoke of a fee. He muttered something about nervous breakdown. He
provided a trained nurse; he paid professional visits twice a day.
With care and nursing Kinsman began to be himself again. Harrowsmith
told him that he must get away for a rest. He added that he would go
with him; a holiday together would be splendid. No doubt he wondered at
the wild, leaping terror in the other’s eyes when he said that; said it
in such a cheery, commonplace way, without any subtlety. But Kinsman
was subtle and suspicious and mad. He thought the doctor wished to come
too, so as to be sure of him. He read the most diabolical eagerness
in his calm face. How afraid he was of Harrowsmith! And how afraid
Harrowsmith was that he would be the loser on their strange compact.
Afraid to let him go away alone in case he should die and be buried.
His dread and hate grew and grew; it became distorted into a monster.
He now hesitated before he swallowed each dose of medicine. His light
head became the dwelling-place of a hundred wild thoughts. He lay with
his face to the wall and saw it all as clearly as possible--with
preternatural clearness. Harrowsmith wanted to kill him. He was
impatient; that was only natural. But he _would_ not die. Sometimes,
when the nurse came near, he desperately clutched at her hand to save
him, to pull him back. He must live. He must spare his flesh--his poor
flesh, at which he looked yearningly as it lay against the bed linen,
wan and veined.
Once he thought desperately that rather than die he would kill
Harrowsmith first--with the last spurt of energy left him. Yes. In any
case, when he grew strong, he would certainly kill him as a safeguard;
a man could not live in such perpetual terror.
His face to the wall, he reproached himself bitterly with his headlong
passion for the cabinet. What was there in old oak to lure a man to
such madness? It added nothing to life. What was life but decent
provision and the certainty of a long, undisturbed death? Things seemed
simple and clear as he lay dozing through the days.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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