City and town life -- Fiction; Death -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Short stories, English
If he had sold himself for bread that would have been more
understandable, less reprehensible. Starvation was a very terrible
thing. But he had sold himself--for what? He thought with weird dread
and passion of that solemn, shining brown thing through the wall--the
mysterious piece of ancient furniture that was responsible for his
misery.
And so, by desperate will, as he thought, he lived. He grew strong. The
trained nurse went away. The last bottle of medicine was empty.
He was alone and would be until the morning. This was the first evening
he had been alone since his illness. At dusk the old familiar terror
gripped him. He was beginning to be afraid, and this time he could
not dart like a hunted creature into the streets and join his
fellow-men--men whose bodies belonged to them; men who had not
mortgaged their last sad majesty. He was alone, alone. On the shawl
which wrapped his knees his folded hands looked oddly pale.
He walked across the room and touched the cabinet. Long stay in bed had
numbed his feet. He touched the cabinet. In his throat was a desperate
sob.
He would sell it. Sell! That was just what he could never do. But if
only he could; if only he might buy himself back.
Sell! He imagined the joy of the buyer--a collector, of course. What
pure, undiluted ecstasy he would get out of it--that man who paid with
gold and not with his own helpless flesh! No; he could never sell it.
Beautiful, devilish, compelling thing! It must stay with him until the
end.
He opened the door and smelt the smell--the clinging aroma which had
always tantalized and piqued him. He traced with his finger the rude
hinges of hammered iron. His face quivered in every muscle with varied
emotions. How he loved this thing! How he hated and feared it! What
moments of joy it had afforded him! What a fearful league it had lured
him into making!
A terrible struggle was passing over him. His freakish brain had
suggested a new extravagance. He was possessed with a desire to do this
strange, this futile and dastardly act. He lifted his head and looked
at the cabinet as he would have looked into human eyes--a long, wistful
look; a look embodying a whole gamut of emotions. Then he crossed the
room, stooped down to a box in one corner, and came back with a hammer.
“It will hurt you,” he said foolishly, the hammer already uplifted, his
eyes drinking in the delicacy of that wonderful thing which had
traveled down the past ages and drifted to him and been his tempter,
“but not as it hurts me.”
He struck. All night he worked with the hammer, with every tool he had
that could help him. He began to break it up, to hack it asunder--his
cabinet. He threw it on the fire bit by bit. It blazed and crackled,
this old dry wood. The splutter and crackle went to his heart. He
thought they were agonized protests. He believed that it suffered as it
died. In his long morbid communion with it he had grown to believe it
human and something more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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