Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
Mr. Twist's initial discovery, like John's, was that he had a headache.
He then set himself to try to decide where he was. His mind clearing
a little, he was enabled to gather that he was in England ... and,
assembling the facts by degrees, in his study at Healthward Ho
(formerly Graveney Court), Worcestershire. After that, everything came
back to him, and he stood holding to the table with one hand and still
grasping the lily with the other, and gave himself up to scorching
reflections on the subject of the resourceful Mrs. Molloy.
He was still busy with these when there was a forceful knock on the
door and Sergeant-Major Flannery entered.
Chimp's grip of the table tightened. He held himself together like one
who sees a match set to a train of gunpowder and awaits the shattering
explosion. His visitor's lips had begun to move, and Chimp could
guess how that parade-ground voice was going to sound to a man with a
headache like his.
"H'rarp-h'm," began Mr. Flannery, clearing his throat, and Chimp with
a sharp cry reeled to a chair and sank into it. The noise had hit him
like a shell. He cowered where he sat, peering at the Sergeant-Major
with haggard eyes.
"Oo-er!" boomed Mr. Flannery, noting these symptoms. "You aren't
looking up to the mark, Mr. Twist."
Chimp dropped the lily, feeling the necessity of having both hands
free. He found he experienced a little relief if he put the palms over
his eyes and pressed hard.
"I'll tell you what it is, sir," roared the sympathetic Sergeant-Major.
"What's 'appened 'ere is that that nasty, feverish cold of yours
has gone and struck inwards. It's left your 'ead and has penetrated
internally to your vitals. If only you'd have took taraxacum and hops
like I told you...."
"Go away!" moaned Chimp, adding in a low voice what seemed to him a
suitable destination.
Mr. Flannery regarded him with mild reproach.
"There's nothing gained, Mr. Twist, by telling me to get to 'ell out of
here. I've merely come for the single and simple reason that I thought
you would wish to know I've had a conversation with the verlent case
upstairs, and the way it looks to me, sir, subject to your approval, is
that it 'ud be best not to let him out from under lock and key for some
time to come. True, 'e did not attempt anything in the nature of actual
physical attack, being prevented no doubt by the fact that there was
iron bars between him and me, but his manner throughout was peculiar,
not to say odd, and I recommend that all communications be conducted
till further notice through the window."
"Do what you like," said Chimp faintly.
"It isn't what I like, sir," bellowed Mr. Flannery virtuously. "It's
what you like and instruct, me being in your employment and only 'ere
to carry out your orders smartly as you give them. And there's one
other matter, sir. As perhaps you are aware, the young lady went off in
the little car ..."
"Don't talk to me about the young lady."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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