Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"They're in the Left Luggage place at the station in Worcester," said
Mr. Molloy. He spoke almost cheerfully, for it had suddenly come to
him that matters were not so bad as he had supposed them to be, and
that there was still an avenue unclosed which might lead to a peaceful
settlement. "And you've got the ticket in your pocket."
John stared.
"That ticket is for a bag my uncle sent the chauffeur to leave at Shrub
Hill."
"Sure. And the stuff's inside it."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll tell you what I mean," said Mr. Molloy.
"Atta-boy!" said Chimp faintly. He, too, had now become aware of the
silver lining. He sank upon the bed, and so profound was his relief
that the ends of his moustache seemed to spring to life again and cease
their drooping.
"Yes, sir," said Mr. Molloy, "I'll tell you what I mean. It's about
time you got hep to the fact that that old uncle of yours is one of
the smoothest birds this side of God's surging Atlantic Ocean. He
was sitting in with us all along, that's what he was doing. He said
those heirlooms had never done him any good and it was about time they
brought him some money. It was all fixed that Chimpie here should swipe
them and then I was to give the old man a cheque and he was to clean up
on the insurance, besides. That was when he thought I was a millionaire
that ran a museum over in America and was in the market for antiques.
But he got on to me, and then he started in to double-cross us. He took
the stuff out of where we'd put it and slipped it over to the depôt at
Worcester, meaning to collect it when he got good and ready. But the
chauffeur gave the ticket to you, and you came over here, and Chimpie
doped you and locked you up."
"And you can't do a thing," said Chimp.
"No, sir," agreed Mr. Molloy, "not a thing, not unless you want to
bring that uncle of yours into it and have him cracking rocks in the
same prison where they put us."
"I'd like to see that old bird cracking rocks, at that," said Chimp
pensively.
"So would I like to see him cracking rocks," assented Mr. Molloy
cordially. "I can't think of anything I'd like better than to see him
cracking rocks. But not at the expense of me cracking rocks, too."
"Or me," said Chimp.
"Or you," said Mr. Molloy, after a slight pause. "So there's the
position, Mr. Carroll. You can go ahead and have us pinched, if you
like, but just bear in mind that if you do there's going to be one of
those scandals in high life you read about. Yes, sir, real front-page
stuff."
"You bet there is," said Chimp.
"Yes, sir, you bet there is," said Mr. Molloy.
"You're dern tooting there is," said Chimp.
"Yes, sir, you're dern tooting there is," said Mr. Molloy.
And on this note of perfect harmony the partners rested their case and
paused, looking at John expectantly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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