Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"I am certainly not going to run behind."
"You're not going to London."
"You bet I'm going to London."
"Well, go by train, then."
"And break into hard-won cash, every penny of which will be needed for
the big time in the metropolis? A pretty story!"
"Well, anyway, you aren't coming with me."
"Why not?"
"I don't want you."
"John," said Hugo, "there is more in this than meets the eye. You can't
deceive me. You are going to London for a purpose. What purpose?"
"If you really want to know, I'm going to see Pat."
"What on earth for? She'll be here to-morrow. I looked in at Chas.
Bywater's this morning for some cigarettes--and, gosh, how lucky it was
I did!--by the way, he's putting them down to you--and he told me she's
arriving by the three-o'clock train."
"I know. Well, I happen to want to see her very particularly to-night."
Hugo eyed his cousin narrowly. He was marshalling the facts and drawing
conclusions.
"John," he said, "this can mean but one thing. You are driving a
hundred miles in a shaky car--that left front tire wants a spot of
air. I should look to it before you start, if I were you--to see a
girl whom you could see to-morrow in any case by the simple process of
meeting the three-o'clock train. Your state of mind is such that you
prefer--actually prefer--not to have my company. And, as I look at you,
I note that you are blushing prettily. I see it all. You've at last
decided to propose to Pat. Am I right or wrong?"
John drew a deep breath. He was not one of those men who derive
pleasure from parading their inmost feelings and discussing with others
the secrets of their hearts. Hugo, in a similar situation, would have
advertised his love like the hero of a musical comedy; he would have
made the round of his friends, confiding in them; and, when the supply
of friends had given out, would have buttonholed the gardener. But
John was different. To hear his aspirations put into bald words like
this made him feel as if he were being divested of most of his more
important garments in a crowded thoroughfare.
"Well, that settles it," said Hugo briskly. "Such being the case, of
course you must take me along. I will put in a good word for you. Pave
the way."
"Listen," said John, finding speech. "If you dare to come within twenty
miles of us...."
"It would be wiser. You know what you're like. Heart of gold but no
conversation. Try to tackle this on your own and you'll bungle it."
"You keep out of this," said John, speaking in a low, husky voice that
suggested the urgent need of one of those throat lozenges purveyed by
Chas. Bywater and so esteemed by the dog Emily. "You keep right out of
this."
Hugo shrugged his shoulders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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