Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"You listen to this bird, Carmody," said Mr. Fish, patting his host on
the back. "He's talking sense. Oil's the stuff. Dig some of the savings
out of the old sock, my dear Carmody, and wade in. You'll never regret
it."
And, having delivered himself of this advice with a fatherly
kindliness which sent his host's temperature up several degrees, Ronnie
Fish strolled on.
Mr. Molloy watched him disappear with benevolent approval. He said to
Mr. Carmody that that young man had his head screwed on the right way,
and seemed not to notice a certain lack of responsive enthusiasm on the
other's part. Ronnie Fish's head was not one of Mr. Carmody's favourite
subjects at the moment.
"Yes, sir," said Mr. Molloy, resuming. "Any man that goes into Oil
is going into a good thing. Oil's all right. You don't see John D.
Rockefeller running round asking for hand-outs from his friends, do
you? No, sir! John's got his modest little competence, same as me, and
he got it, like I did, out of Oil. Say, listen, Mr. Carmody, it isn't
often I give up any of my holdings, but you've been mighty nice to me,
inviting me to your home and all, and I'd like to do something for you
in return. What do you say to a good, solid block of Silver River stock
at just the price it cost me? And let me tell you I'm offering you
something that half the big men on our side would give their eye teeth
for. Only a couple of days before I sailed I was in Charley Schwab's
office, and he said to me, 'Tom,' said Charley, 'right up till now
I've stuck to Steel and I've done well. Understand,' he said, 'I'm not
knocking Steel. But Oil's the stuff, and if you want to part with any
of that Silver River of yours, Tom,' he said, 'pass it across this desk
and write your own ticket.' That'll show you."
There is no anguish like the anguish of the man who is trying to
extract cash from a fellow human being and suddenly finds the fellow
human being trying to extract it from him. Mr. Carmody laughed a bitter
laugh.
"Do you imagine," he said, "that I have money to spare for speculative
investments?"
"Speculative?" Mr. Molloy seemed to suspect his ears of playing tricks.
"Silver River spec----?"
"By the time I've finished paying the bills for the expenses of this
infernal estate I consider myself lucky if I've got a few hundred that
I can call my own."
There was a pause.
"Is that so?" said Mr. Molloy in a thin voice.
Strictly speaking, it was not. Before succeeding to his present
position of head of the family and squire of Rudge Hall, Lester Carmody
had contrived to put away in gilt-edged securities a very nice sum
indeed, the fruit of his labours in the world of business. But it was
his whim to regard himself as a struggling pauper.
"But all this...." Mr. Molloy indicated with a wave of his hand the
smiling gardens, the rolling park and the opulent-looking trees
reflected in the waters of the moat. "Surely this means a barrel of
money?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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