Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
His bride had promised to love, honour, and obey him, but she had never
said anything about taking any notice of him when he tried to butt in
on her moments of inspiration. She ignored the interruption.
"You see," she said, "Pop collects old junk--I mean antiques and all
like that. Over in America he's got a great big museum place full of
stuff. He's going to present it to the nation when he hands in his
dinner pail. Aren't you, Pop?"
It became apparent to Mr. Molloy that at the back of his wife's mind
there floated some idea at which, handicapped by his masculine slowness
of wit, he could not guess. It was plain to him, however, that she
expected him to do his bit, so he did it.
"You betcher," he said.
"How much would you say all that stuff in your museum was worth, Pop?"
Mr. Molloy was still groping in outer darkness, but he persevered.
"Oo," he said, "worth? Call it a million.... Two millions.... Three,
maybe."
"You see," explained Dolly, "the place is so full up, he doesn't really
know what he's got. But Pierpont Morgan offered you a million for the
pictures alone, didn't he?"
Now that figures had crept into the conversation, Mr. Molloy was
feeling more at his ease. He liked figures.
"You're thinking of Jake Shubert, honey," he said. "It was the
tapestries that Pierp. wanted. And it wasn't a million, it was seven
hundred thousand. I laughed in his face. I asked him if he thought
he was trying to buy cheese sandwiches at the delicatessen store or
something. Pierp. was sore." Mr. Molloy shook his head regretfully,
and you could see he was thinking that it was too bad that his little
joke should have caused a coolness between himself and an old friend.
"But, great guns!" he said, in defence of his attitude. "Seven hundred
thousand! Did he think I wanted carfare?"
Mr. Carmody's always rather protuberant eyes had been bulging farther
and farther out of their sockets all through this exchange of remarks,
and now they reached the farthest point possible and stayed there.
His breath was coming in little gasps, and his fingers twitched
convulsively. He was suffering the extreme of agony.
It was all very well for a man like Mr. Molloy to speak sneeringly of
$700,000. To most people--and Mr. Carmody was one of them--$700,000 is
quite a nice little sum. Mr. Molloy, if he saw $700,000 lying in the
gutter, might not think it worth his while to stoop and pick it up,
but Mr. Carmody could not imitate that proud detachment. The thought
that he had as his guest at Rudge a man who combined with a bottomless
purse a taste for antiquities and that only the imbecile laws relating
to heirlooms prevented them consummating a deal racked him from head to
foot.
"How much would you have given Mr. Carmody for all those pictures and
things he showed us yesterday?" asked Dolly, twisting the knife in the
wound.
Mr. Molloy spread his hands carelessly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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