Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"Two hundred thousand ... three ... we wouldn't have quarrelled about
the price. But what's the use of talking? He can't sell 'em."
"Why can't he?"
"Well, how can he?"
"I'll tell you how. Fake a burglary."
"What!"
"Sure. Have the things stolen and slipped over to you without anybody
knowing, and then you hand him your cheque for two hundred thousand or
whatever it is, and you're happy and he's happy and everybody's happy.
And, what's more, I guess all this stuff is insured, isn't it? Well
then, Mr. Carmody can stick to the insurance money, and he's that much
up besides whatever he gets from you."
There was a silence. Dolly had said her say, and Mr. Molloy felt for
the moment incapable of speech. That he had not been mistaken in
supposing that his wife had a scheme at the back of her head was now
plain, but, as outlined, it took his breath away. Considered purely
as a scheme, he had not a word to say against it. It was commercially
sound and did credit to the ingenuity of one whom he had always
regarded as the slickest thinker of her sex. But it was not the sort of
scheme, he considered, which ought to have emanated from the presumably
innocent and unspotted daughter of a substantial Oil millionaire. It
was calculated, he felt, to create in their host's mind doubts and
misgivings as to the sort of people he was entertaining.
He need have no such apprehension. It was not righteous disapproval
that was holding Mr. Carmody dumb.
It has been laid down by an acute thinker that there is a subtle
connection between felony and fat. Almost all embezzlers, for instance,
says this authority, are fat men. Whether this is or is not true,
the fact remains that the sensational criminality of the suggestion
just made to him awoke no horror in Mr. Carmody's ample bosom. He
was startled, as any man might be who had this sort of idea sprung
suddenly on him in his own garden, but he was not shocked. A youth and
middle age spent on the London Stock Exchange had left Lester Carmody
singularly broad-minded. He had to a remarkable degree that specious
charity which allows a man to look indulgently on any financial
project, however fishy, provided he can see a bit in it for himself.
"It's money for nothing," urged Dolly, misinterpreting his silence.
"The stuff isn't doing any good, just lying around the way it is now.
And it isn't as if it didn't really belong to you. All what you were
saying awhile back about the law is simply mashed potatoes. The things
belong to the house, and the house belongs to you, so where's the harm
in your selling them? Who's supposed to get them after you?"
Mr. Carmody withdrew his gaze from the middle distance.
"Eh? Oh. My nephew Hugo."
"Well, you aren't worrying about him?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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