Mossoo Alphonse Effendi Bey (A Younger Turk: the very cream And essence of the New Regime) Dispelled this Oriental dream By granting him a place at Court, High Coffee-grinder to the Porte, Unpaid:-- [Illustration] In which exalted Post His Lordship yielded up the ghost. Lord Hippo Lord Hippo suffered fearful loss [Illustration] By putting money on a horse Which he believed, if it were pressed, Would run far faster than the rest: For someone who was in the know [Illustration] Had confidently told him so. But [Illustration] on the morning of the race It only took [Illustration] the _seventh_ place! [Illustration] Picture the Viscount's great surprise! He scarcely could believe his eyes! He sought the Individual who Had laid him odds at 9 to 2, Suggesting as a useful tip That they should enter Partnership And put to joint account the debt Arising from his foolish bet. [Illustration] But when the Bookie--oh! my word, I only wish you could have heard The way he roared he did not think, And hoped that they might strike him pink! Lord Hippo simply turned and ran From this infuriated man. Despairing, maddened and distraught He utterly collapsed and sought His sire, [Illustration] the Earl of Potamus, And brokenly addressed him thus: "Dread Sire--to-day--at Ascot--I ..." His genial parent made reply: Come! Come! Come! Come! Don't look so glum! Trust your Papa and name the sum.... WHAT? [Illustration] ... _Fifteen hundred thousand?_... Hum! However ... stiffen up, you wreck; Boys will be boys--so here's the cheque! Lord Hippo, feeling deeply--well, More grateful than he cared to tell-- Punted the lot on Little Nell:-- And got a telegram at dinner To say [Illustration] that he had backed the Winner! Lord Uncle Tom Lord Uncle Tom was different from What other nobles are. For they are yellow or pink, I think, But he was black as tar. [Illustration] He had his Father's debonair And rather easy pride: But his complexion and his hair [Illustration] Were from the mother's side. He often mingled in debate And latterly displayed [Illustration] Experience of peculiar weight Upon the Cocoa-trade. But now He speaks no more. The BILL Which he could not abide, It preyed upon his mind until He sickened, paled, and died. Lord Lucky Lord Lucky, by a curious fluke, Became a most important duke. From living in a vile Hotel [Illustration] A long way east of Camberwell He rose, in less than half an hour, To riches, dignity and power. It happened in the following way:-- The Real Duke went out one day To shoot with several people, one [Illustration] Of whom had never used a gun. This gentleman (a Mr. Meyer Of Rabley Abbey, Rutlandshire), As he was scrambling through the brake, [Illustration] Discharged his weapon by mistake, And plugged about an ounce of lead Piff-bang into his Grace's Head---- Who naturally fell down dead.