Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts — John Shaqi
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three ActsMilne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
General
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts
Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
English drama -- 20th century
PIM. Your husband! (_He looks in mild surprise at_ GEORGE.) Your--er----
OLIVIA. My first husband. His death was announced six years ago. I had
left him some years before that, but there seems no doubt from your story
that he's still alive. His record--the country he comes from--above all,
the very unusual name--Telworthy.
PIM. Telworthy--yes--certainly a most peculiar name. I remember saying
so. Your first husband? Dear me! Dear me!
GEORGE. You understand, Mr. Pim, that all this is in absolute confidence.
PIM (_turning to_ GEORGE). Of course, of course.
OLIVIA (_pulling his arm, trying to attract his attention_). Well, since
he is my husband, we naturally want to know something about him. Where is
he now, for instance?
PIM (_surprised and turning to_ OLIVIA). Where is he now? But surely I
told you? I told you what happened at Marseilles?
GEORGE. At Marseilles?
PIM (_to_ GEORGE). Yes, yes, poor fellow, it was most unfortunate. (_To_
LADY MARDEN. OLIVIA _again pulls his arm, trying to attract his
attention_.) You must understand, Lady Marden, that although I had met
the poor fellow before in Australia, I was never in any way intimate----
GEORGE (_thumping the desk_). Where is he _now_, that's what we want to
know?
(MR. PIM _turns to him with a start_.)
OLIVIA. Please, Mr. Pim!
PIM (_to_ OLIVIA). Where is he now? But--but didn't I tell you of the
curious fatality at Marseilles--poor fellow--the fish-bone?
ALL. Fish-bone?
PIM. Yes, yes, a herring, I understand.
OLIVIA (_becoming hysterical_). Do you mean he's dead?
PIM. Dead--of course he's dead. He's been dead----
OLIVIA (_laughing hysterically_). Oh, Mr. Pim, you--oh, what a husband to
have--oh, I----(_But that is all she can say for the moment_.)
LADY MARDEN. Pull yourself together, Olivia. (_To_ PIM.) So he really is
dead this time?
PIM. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged in his throat.
(LADY MARDEN _retreats to settee_ R. _again_.)
GEORGE (_moving up_ C. _to_ L. _window, trying to realize it_). Dead!
Dead!
PIM (_rising and turning to_ OLIVIA, _alarmed at her hysteria_). Oh, but,
Mrs. Marden!
OLIVIA. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pim. (_Crossing to_ C.) But a
herring! There's something about a herring----
(GEORGE _comes quickly to her, very concerned_.)
(PIM _is also very concerned_.)
(_Turning to_ GEORGE.) Oh, George! (_Shaking her head in a weak state of
laughter, turns to_ R. _and is about to hurry out of the room towards
staircase_ R.)
QUICK CURTAIN.
ACT III
SCENE.--_The same and furniture exactly as in_ ACT II.
(MR. PIM _is below settee_ L. _standing in same position as at the end
of_ ACT II. GEORGE MARDEN _is in centre of stage and_ LADY MARDEN _is at
foot of staircase. Their altitude is the same as at the end of_ ACT II,
_and all are concerned about_ OLIVIA'S _hysteria_.)
GEORGE. Dead! Dead!
PIM. Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm afraid I broke the news rather hastily. The
double shock of losing one husband and being restored to another--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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