If two steamers are on the starboard tack, they must return to the harbour and begin again. Any steamship likely to meet another steamship must reverse and go somewhere else. Any admiral out after 12 o'clock will be locked up wherever he is. Nobody, however high in command, can be permitted to sit on a buoy out at sea for the purpose of frightening vessels. All complaints to be made to the Admiralty, or to one of the mounted sentries at the Horse Guards. [Illustration] An admiral is on duty all night to receive complaints. Every mounted marine on joining must bring his own fork, spoon and towel horse. If two vessels are meeting end on, take one end off. The other loses and forfeits sixpence. Any infringement or infraction of the above rules and regulations will be reported by the head winds to the deputy toastmaster for the current year at Colwell-Hatchney. N.B.--On hand a second-hand pair of gloves for boxing the compass. Remember the 26th of December is near, when they may be wanted. The equivalent of a chaplain-general to the forces has been appointed. He is to be called chaplain-admiral to the fleet. The cockpits are being turned into pulpits. If not ready by next Sunday he will deliver his first sermon from the main-top gallant jibboom mizen. The Colney-Hatches will be crowded. * * * * * [Illustration: OUT OF IT The eldest Miss Blossom thinks that the part of double gooseberry is rather monotonous.] * * * * * [Illustration: HOW LITTLE OUR DEAR ONES UNDERSTAND US _Madge._ "My dear George, there you've been sitting with your camera since breakfast, and you haven't taken anything." _George (intent on his own feelings)._ "Don't ask me to, darling, I couldn't touch it!"] * * * * * A REGATTA RHYME _On Board the "Athena," Henley-on-Thames_ I like, it is true, in a basswood canoe To lounge, with a weed incandescent: To paddle about, there is not a doubt, I find it uncommonly pleasant! I love the fresh air, the lunch here and there, To see pretty toilettes and faces; But one thing I hate--allow me to state-- The fuss they make over the Races! _I don't care a rap for the Races!_-- _Mid all the Regatta embraces_-- _I'm that sort of chap, I don't care a rap,_ _A rap or a snap for the Races!_ I don't care, you know, a bit how they row, Nor mind about smartness of feather; If steering is bad, I'm not at all sad, Nor care if they all swing together! Oh why do they shout and make such a rout, When one boat another one chases? 'Tis really too hot to bawl, is it not? Or bore oneself over the Races! _I don't care a rap for the Races, &c., &c._