_The eldest Miss Bluestocken (to Mrs. Mugby, of the village laundry)._ I'm delighted that you were able to come to our schoolroom performance of _Scenes from Shakspeare_. _Mrs. Mugby._ Oh, so was I, mum. That there "'Amblet"--and the grand lady, mum---- _Eldest Miss B. (condescendingly)._ You mean "Hamlet" and his mother--the vicar and myself. You enjoyed it? _Mrs. Mugby._ Oh, we did, mum! We ain't 'ad such a rale good laugh for many a long day. [_Exit_ Miss B., _thinking that Shakspeare is perhaps somewhat thrown away on this yokality_.] * * * * * THE BOOK OF THE PLAY (_as managers like it_).--"All places taken for the next fortnight." * * * * * When actors complain that all they require is "parts," they generally tell the exact truth. * * * * * [Illustration: SCENE FROM SHAKSPEARIAN PANTOMIME "Where got'st thou that goose?--look!" (_Macbeth_, Act V., Sc. 3.)] * * * * * [Illustration: A DISENCHANTMENT.--_Grandpapa._ "_What_? Bob in love with Miss Fontalba, the comic actress at the Parthenon?" _Bob (firing up)._ "Yes, grandpa! And if you've got a word to say against that lady, it had better not be said in my presence, that's all!" _Grandpapa._ "_I_ say a word _against_ her! Why, bless your heart, my dear boy! I was head over ears in love with her _myself_--_when I was your age!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE PROBLEM PLAY.--_New Woman (with the hat)._ "No! _My_ principle is simply _this_--if there's a _demand_ for these plays, it must be _supplied_!" _Woman not New (with the bonnet)._ "Precisely! Just as with the bull-fights in Spain!" [_Scores_ ] * * * * * [Illustration: CHURCH THEATRES FOR COUNTRY VILLAGES--THE BLAMELESS BALLET ["_Mr. Chamberlain has expressed himself in sympathy with the scheme of the Rev. Forbes Phillips for running theatres in connection with the churches in country villages._"] There would, our artist imagines, be no difficulty in obtaining willing coryphées among the pew-openers and philanthropic spinsters of the various parishes.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mr. M'Chrustie (in the washing-room of the Minerva Club)._ "Look here, waiter, what's the meaning of this? These brushes are as beastly grimy as if they'd been blacking boots----!" _Waiter._ "Yes, sir: it's them members from the 'Junior Theshpian,' sir--as are 'ere now, sir. They do dye theirselves to that degree----!" [_Mr. M'C. rushes off and writes furiously to the Committee!_ ] * * * * * _Q._ What were the "palmy" days of the drama? _A._ When they were first-rate hands at acting. * * * * * MOTTO FOR ALL DRAMATIC PERFORMERS.--"Act well your part." * * * * * A BAND-BOX.--An orchestra.