[Illustration: PARADOXICAL.--_Ethel._ "It was a most wonderful performance, Aunt Tabitha! First, she was shot out of a cannon's mouth on to a trapeze fifteen yards above the orchestra, and then she swung herself up till she stood on a rope on one leg at least a hundred and twenty feet above our heads!" _Aunt Tabitha._ "Ah! I always think a woman _lowers_ herself when she does that!"] * * * * * [Illustration: FORM _First Masher._ "Let's stop and look at Punch and Judy, old chappie! I've heard it's as good as a play." _Second Masher._ "I dessay it is, my brave boy. But we ain't dressed, you know!"] * * * * * [Illustration: PROPERTY HAS ITS RIGHTS SCENE: _Mr. Foote Lyter's back Drawing-room. Private Theatricals. Dress Rehearsal._ _Mr. Foote Lyter._ "I say, Drawle, while the Duke is having his scene with Dora, where am _I_ to stand!" _Captain Drawle_ (_amateur stage manager_). "Well--er--my dear fellow--er--er--it's your own house, you know--_you can stand where you like_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE POINT OF VIEW.--_Exasperated Old Gentleman_ (_to lady in front of him_). "Excuse me, madam, but my seat has cost me ten shillings, and I want to see. Your hat----" _The Lady._ "My hat has cost me ten _guineas_, sir, and I want it to _be seen_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: Tomkins, who has recently made his appearance _en amateur_ as the Melancholy Dane, goes to have his photograph taken "in character." Unfortunately, on reaching the corner of the street, he finds _the road is up_, and he has to walk to the door! Tableau!!] * * * * * [Illustration: _Clever Juvenile_ (_loq._). "Shakspeare? Pooh! For my part I consider Shakspeare a very much over-rated man."] * * * * * [Illustration: THE FORTHCOMING PANTOMIME _Astonished Friend._ "Why!--Why! What on earth are these?" _Manager._ "These? Oh! These are _fairies_!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S PATENT MATINEE HAT. Fitted with binocular glasses for the benefit of those sitting behind its wearer.] * * * * * [Illustration: HEARD AT A PROVINCIAL CIRCUS.--_Wag_ (_to unfortunate small gent, who has vainly endeavoured to persuade lady to remove her hat_). "Don't you see she's got a bird in her hat, sitting? You wouldn't have the lady addle-headed, would you?"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE AMATEURS.--_Suburban Roscius._ "Ah, I saw you were at our 'theatricals' the other night. How did you like my assumption of _Hamlet_?" _Candid Friend._ "My dear f'llar--great'st piece of assumption I ever saw i' m' life!"] * * * * * [Illustration: CAUSE AND EFFECT