* * * * * [Illustration: THE DRAMA.--"'Ere, I say, 'Liza, we've seen this 'ere play before!" "No, we ain't." [_Wordy argument follows._] "Why, don't you remember, same time as Bill took us to the 'Pig an' Whistle,' an' we 'ad stewed eels for supper?" "Oh lor! Yes, that takes me back to it!"] * * * * * [Illustration: TRUE APPRECIATION (_Overheard at the Theatre_) _Mrs. Parvenu._ "I don't know that I'm exackly _gone_ on Shakspeare Plays." [_Mr. P. agrees._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: _Conversationalist._ "Do you play ping-pong?" _Actor._ "No. I play _Hamlet_!"] * * * * * TO ACTORS WHO ARE NOT WORTH A THOUGHT.--We notice that there is a book called "Acting and Thinking." This is to distinguish it, we imagine, from the generality of acting, in which there is mostly no thinking? * * * * * A CRUSHER.--_Country Manager (to Mr. Agrippa Snap, the great London critic, who has come down to see the production of a piece on trial)._ And what do you think, sir, of our theatre and our players? _Agrippa Snap (loftily)._ Well, frankly, Mr. Flatson, your green-room's better than your company. * * * * * [Illustration: The higher walk of the drama] * * * * * [Illustration: "Auntie, can _you_ do that?"] * * * * * Theatrical managers are so often accused of being unable to break with tradition, that it seems only fair to point out that several of them have recently produced plays, in which the character of "Hamlet" does not appear at all. * * * * * ON A DRAMATIC AUTHOR "Yes, he's a plagiarist," from Tom this fell, "As to his social faults, sir, one excuses 'em; 'Cos he's good natured, takes a joke so well." "True," cries an author, "he takes mine and uses 'em." * * * * * THE MANAGER'S COMPLAINT She danced among the unfinished ways That merge into the Strand, A maid whom none could fail to praise, And very few withstand. A sylph, accepted for the run, Not at a weekly wage; Fair as a star when only one Is shining on the stage. She met a lord, and all men know How soon she'd done with me; Now she is in _Debrett_, oh, and, That's where they all would be! * * * * * [Illustration: A FIRST NIGHT.--_Indignant Playwright (to leading actor, behind the scenes)._ "Confound it, man, you've absolutely murdered the piece!" _Leading Actor._ "Pardon me, but I think the foul play is yours!"] * * * * * _Smart._ How do, Smooth? (_to theatrical manager, who frowns upon him_). What's the matter, eh? _Smooth._ Matter? Hang it, Smart, you wrote me down in "The Stinger."