and brought with him _the One Policeman_! [Illustration: INDIAMAN GOING INTO PORT] * * * * * QUERY AT SOME FASHIONABLE SEASIDE RESORT.--Do the unpleasant odours noticeable at certain times arise from the fact of the tide being high? If so, is the tide sometimes higher than usual, as the--ahem!--odours certainly are? * * * * * [Illustration: PERIL! _Gruff Voice_ (_behind her--she thought she heard her own name_). "She's a gettin' old, Bill, and she sartain'y ain't no beauty! But you and I'll smarten her up! Give her a good tarrin' up to the waist, and a streak o' paint, and they 'ont know her again when the folks come down a' Whitsun'. Come along, and let's ketch 'old of her, and shove her into the water fust of all!!" _Miss Isabella._ "Oh! the horrid wretches! No policeman in sight! Nothing for it but flight!" [Is off like a bird! ] * * * * * [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS There were even then quiet spots by the sea where one could be alone with Nature undisturbed] * * * * * [Illustration: A SENSE OF PROPERTY _Botanical Old Gent_ (_in the Brighton Gardens_). "Can you tell me, my good man, if this plant belongs to the 'Arbutus' family?" _Gardener_ (_curtly_). "No, sir, it doan't. It b'longs to the Corporation!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE MINOR ILLS OF LIFE Portrait of a gentleman attempting to regain his tent after the morning bath] * * * * * [Illustration: MERMAIDS' TOILETS IN '67 _Blanche._ "I say, some of you, call after aunty! She has taken my _chignon_, and left me her horrid black one!"] * * * * * [Illustration: LOW TIDE ON SCARBOROUGH SANDS--BATHING UNDER DIFFICULTIES The captain, who is well up in his classics, translates, for his Fanny's benefit, a celebrated Latin poem (by one Lucretius) to the effect that it is sweet to gaze from the cliff at the bathing machines vainly struggling to take the unfortunate bathers into deep water.] * * * * * [Illustration: SEASIDE PUZZLE To find your bathing-machine if you've forgotten the number] * * * * * [Illustration: VENUS (ANNO DOMINI 1892) RISES FROM THE SEA!!] * * * * * SEASIDE DRAMA.--_Mrs. de Tomkyns_ (_sotto voce, to Mr. de T._). "Ludovic, dear, there's Algernon playing with a strange child! _Do_ prevent it!" _Mr. de T._ (_ditto, to Mrs. de T._). "How on earth am I to prevent it, my love?" _Mrs. de T._ "Tell its parents Algernon is just recovering from scarlet fever, or something!" _Mr. de T._ "But it isn't true!" _Mrs. de T._ "Oh, never mind! Tell them, all the same!" _Mr. de T._ (_aloud_). "Ahem! Sir, you'd better not let your little girl play with my little boy. He's only just recovering from--er--_Scarlet Fever_!"