_Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins_ (_together_). "It's all right, sir!--_so's our little gal!_" * * * * * [Illustration: MIXED BATHING _Fussy Landlady_ (_to new Lodger_). "Well, sir, if you'll only tell me when you want a bath, _I'll see you have it_."] * * * * * BY THE SEASIDE (_A Gasp and a Growl from Paterfamilias Fogey_) [Illustration] In for it here, Six weeks or more, Once every year (Yah, what a bore!) Daughters and wife Force me to bide Mad to "see life" By the seaside! Go out of town What if we do? Hither comes down All the world too; Vanity Fair, Fashion and Pride, Seeking fresh air By the seaside. Drest up all hands-- Raiment how dear!-- Down on the sands, Out on the Pier, Pace to and fro, See, as at Ryde, Off how they show By the seaside! Fops and fine girls, Swarm, brisk as bees; Ribbons and curls Float on the breeze; Females and males Eye and are eyed; Ogling prevails By the seaside! Daughters may see Some fun in that. Wife, how can she, Grown old and fat? Scene I survey But to deride, Idle display By the seaside. Views within reach, Picturesque scenes, Rocks on the beach, Bathing machines, Shingle and pools, Left by the tide, Youth, far from schools, By the seaside. Artists may sketch, Draw and design, Pencil, or etch; Not in my line. Money, no end, Whilst I am tied Here, I must spend, By the seaside! * * * * * [Illustration: _Snooks_ (_to new acquaintance_). "Tell yer what, look in one evenin' and 'ave a bit of supper, if you don't mind 'avin it in the kitchen. Yer see, we're plain people, and don't put on no side. Of course, I know as a toff like you 'ud 'ave it in the _drawing-room_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: TORQUAY (TALKEY)] * * * * * [Illustration: HASTINGS] * * * * * [Illustration: GENTILITY IN GREENS _Mrs. Brown finds Sandymouth a very different place from what she remembers it years ago._ _Greengrocer._ "Cabbage, mum!? We don't keep no second-class vegetables, mum. You'll get it at the lower end o' the town!"] * * * * * SEASIDE VIEWS [Illustration: KINGSWEAR] _Tom Jones_ (_in love_). The most heavenly place I ever was in. The sun is warmer, the sky bluer, the sea the calmest I ever knew. Joy sparkles on every pebble; Art spreads its welcome arms through every spray of seaweed. True happiness encircles me on every breeze, and Beauty is by my side.