_Artist_ (_irritated by the preliminaries of composition and the too close proximity of an uninteresting native_). "I think you needn't wait any longer. There's really nothing to look at just now." _Native._ "Ay, an' I doot there'll _never_ be muckle to look at there!"] * * * * * THE DONKEY-BOYS OF ENGLAND (_A Song for the Seaside_) [Illustration] The Donkey-Boys of England, how merrily they fly, With pleasant chaff upon the tongue and cunning in the eye. And oh! the donkeys in a mass how patiently they stand, High on the heath of Hampstead, or down on Ramsgate's sand. The Donkey-Boys of England, how sternly they reprove The brute that won't "come over", with an impressive shove; And oh! the eel-like animals, how gracefully they swerve From side to side, but won't advance to spoil true beauty's curve. The Donkey-Boys of England, how manfully they fight, When a probable donkestrian comes suddenly in sight; From nurse's arms the babies are clutch'd with fury wild, And on a donkey carried off the mother sees her child. The Donkey-Boys of England, how sternly they defy The pleadings of a parent's shriek, the infant's piercing cry; As a four-year-old MAZEPPA is hurried from the spot, Exposed to all the tortures of a donkey's fitful trot. The Donkey-Boys of England, how lustily they scream, When they strive to keep together their donkeys in a team; And the riders who are anxious to be class'd among genteels, Have a crowd of ragged Donkey-boys "hallooing" at their heels. The Donkey-Boys of England, how well they comprehend The animal to whom they act as master, guide, and friend; The understanding that exists between them who'll dispute-- Or that the larger share of it falls sometimes to the brute? * * * * * [Illustration: THE JETTY] * * * * * SEASIDE ACQUAINTANCES (SCENE--The Shady Side of Pall Mall).--_Snob._ My Lord, you seem to forget me. Don't you recollect our meeting this summer at Harrogate? _Swell._ My dear fellow, I do not forget it in the least. I recollect vividly we swore eternal friendship at Harrogate, and should it be my fate to meet you at Harrogate next year, I shall only be too happy to swear it again. [_Lifts his chapeau, and leaves Snob in a state of the most speechless amazement._ * * * * * [Illustration: Portrait of a gentleman who sent his wife and family to the seaside, followed by a later train, and left their address behind. [_Sketched after five hours' futile search for them._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: A VOICE FROM THE SEA "O let me kiss him for his mother!"] * * * * * REASONS FOR GOING TO BRIGHTON (_By the Cynic who stays in London_) [Illustration: "HA! RICH!"]